Jack's POV
"A panic disorder?" I asked critically, raising my eyebrow towards the doctor sitting behind the desk in front of me. The man's hands were clasped together at chin level and he had a pair of spectacles positioned perfectly at the end of his nose. There were four huge rectangle wall length windows acting as a back drop to this man's desk, the great skyline of New York discernible across the width of the Hudson. He was currently gazing at me from over the top of his lenses with that 'Doctor stare', as if he were an x-ray machine. I couldn't believe him; he looked too much like a stereotype.
"Jay, Dr Lyons is one of the top physician's in all of the country. He has huge experience in diagnosing-" began my manager Joe, her voice slightly scolding.
"Yeah alright okay, but I mean really? Do you think I have a panic disorder?" I interrupted quite sarcastically, turning around on my seat to face her. "Me? I'm a popstar, for Christ's sake. How could I have a panic disorder?"
I saw her exchange a look with Doctor Lyons and I let out a sign of frustration. I swiveled myself on the smooth black leather back to front facing position to look at Dr Lyons again. He hadn't moved from his 'Doctor' position and was now surveying me with an unreadable expression. The sun was beginning to set and the great buildings of New York began to cast shadows over the mighty Hudson River. The slanted light reflected into Doctor Lyons office, bouncing off the countless certificates adorning his walls.
"I know you are probably in a state of shock at the moment, owing to the public display of your condition" he started, but I couldn't help it. I slammed my palms on his desk and stood up, the black leather chair toppling down behind me. I leaned in towards him my voice strained in a forced calm.
"I do not have a panic disorder,"
My eyes held his and he stared back, his face placid.
I felt Joe tugging at the back of my hoodie, urging me to sit down. I ignored her, but chose to walk to the edge of the room away from the wall of windows. I reached the side wall and felt the cool concrete underneath my fingertips. I stretched my hands up to eye level and leaned my forehead against them. Joe's voice could be heard uttering a rushed apology. I could almost see her hands moving in conjunction with her words, emphasising her sincerity. Tinges of regret coursed through my body. I began to feel guilty for blowing up at the doctor who was only trying to tell me what I already knew; I had a panic disorder.
What I had had on 'Helen' was nothing short of a full-scale panic attack. I'm talking an hour long terror fest of pure agony. The sensation of immobility in my limbs and racing heart in my chest along with the horrible terrible overriding fear that had felt like nothing I had ever experienced. No one had known what was wrong with me. I had been rushed to hospital and when I had been calmed down, the doctor in the ER had told me I had I had the worst panic attack he had ever seen. Obviously, that had set me off again. My body involuntarily shivered from the memory. I could hear Doctor Lyons brushing off Joe's apology saying my reaction was 'perfectly understandable'. Guilt rolled in my stomach as they began talking about various cures and treatments for my condition.
My anger was all but gone as I pushed myself away from the wall and started toward the desk. I reached my overturned chair and picked up it with my left hand, using my right to pull up my hood. I placed the chair down gently beside Joe and took a seat. The pair was talking quietly and ignored my return to the desk. I sank lower into my seat and tuned my ears to their conversation.
"So, what you are telling me is that there is no treatment available, no cure?" Joe questioned. "And there is no way of telling when he could have another one?"
"Yes," stated Dr Lyons simply. "Studies have been done, of course, but results into the causes of this ailment have been inconclusive and thus, resulting in a cure becoming unattainable. However, as regards to detection of a panic attack, it has been found that powerful emotion such as stress seems to be a trigger in a number of cases,"
