My Attempted Suicide (boyxboy)

Less Than Ten Words

you cried wolf,
so i came running.

QUESTION:
am i the wolf
or the savior?

is my smile too sharp
or just my teeth?

ANSWER:
come a little closer.

-efb; questions & answers, #2

Opium's POV

Five hours later...

I had taken a walk for quite some time in the park right outside the hospital. The phone call I shared with my brother still rang inside my head. He had scolded me for running out but at the same time he understood me. Words of comfort wouldn't have worked so he gave me words of understanding. Because he really was the only one who truly understood me. And he had known what I needed in that moment. Maybe he could become a psychologist one day. Alex was quite good at those kinds of things. Probably better than the one I had after what happened with Drake to deal with the consequences it had on my psyche.

"Are you sure it was right to just run out. I mean sure, take your time, but what do you think will Kyle think now. Maybe he believes you'll never come back. Take yourself some time. Go on a walk, eat something, look at flowers if that's what suits you but don't take to long. Right now it's not only time to consider your own feelings but also the feelings of the suicidal boy that just woke up without orientation in a hospital bed and now is there alone with no one familiar to calm him down and explain the whole situation. It's time you start getting empathic to others again. I know it will be hard after Drake and everything the last few years but you have to try. Not in a week. Not even tomorrow. Right now! Think about it. Your still torturing yourself over Drake day after day. Take the chance to save that boy like you didn't had a chance to years ago. If not for him do it for yourself.", after that Alex hung up. But it helped. He was always some kind of help in emotionally struggling situation for me. It was good that I had him now. Back in the old days he was the one who tried to super glue my broken self back together even though he only had some weak tape. Metaphorical speaking obviously.

So I had taken such a long time thinking about his words that I didn't even notice how time flew by until three and a half hours were over. Then after that sudden realization I had convinced myself just to go eat for half an hour and overthink his words just one last time.

See how that worked out now that I'm five whole hours after my call to Alex stood in front of the hospital again. Numbly staring up the white facade while people moved around me, parting like gazelles around a lion. Probably none of them even caring what I've been doing there; standing at the same spot for the last hour. They passed so fast that most of them were thinking I just stood there for a second until I would pass on like everyone else who exited and entered the hospital in a rush.

Concerned. Crying. Sad. Relived. Laughing. Happy. Depending on the reason that they were there for.

Which one of those was I?

I honestly didn't know. Somewhere in between? Yeah, that sounded right to me.

Well as you already know now I stood there for quite some times. One of my hands fumbling with the cell phone in my pocket as if it could help me somehow. My foot scraping over the ground in what was both comforting and some more rural form of fear.

Back and forth.

Back and forth.

And repeat.