Heartbreak Warfare

CHAPTER 1. "Amnesia"

"I wish that I could wake up with amnesia, and forget about these stupid little things. Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you, and the memories I never can escape..."

Life is full of imperfect dreams and imperfect people.

It had been a few months after a certain Raymond Reddington and Elizabeth Keen had finally put an end to their relationship. It had placed a different perspective onto his life, more than it did with her or so it seems. Raymond felt the final prices of his world crumble right before him; he still went to work, talked to her, gave them black listers and waited for this to be all over, but he was never the same. Elizabeth Keen tried to ignore it, ignore him; but her heart won't let her. Everyday she would see him walk through those doors, a changed man. Gone was the man that used to bring so much confidence and sass; yes he still went to work with a smile grazing across his face, but it never reached his eyes. He was still as dapper as ever, but she knew that wasn't the same man she had met all those years ago.

It conflicted her to no end just how much he could make her feel like this. She can never hate him, can she? No matter how hard she tries, she can't bring herself to hate this man; somewhere deep inside she knows that she has to make things right. He had been hurting for most of his life, and she wanted to change that. Yes, she was giving him another chance, or maybe for that matter, she's giving her heart another chance to truly love.

*if today you woke up right beside me, like all of these was just some twisted dream. I'll hold you close than I ever did before, and I'd never slip away, and you'd never hear me say...*

It was yet another cold morning; Red slowly opened his eyes, hopeful that his dreams weren't dreams, but alas it were once again just figments of his troubled imagination. He had been having these dreams for the last few months; back when they were happy, back when they were together, a couple. Lizzie. She was always his first thought when he wakes and last thoughts before he goes out into the oblivion in his drunken stupor every night for the last few months. Red weighed his options wether or not to get up; the date hit him hard, as he realized what date it was. It was supposed to be their anniversary today, second anniversary to be fair with himself. His mind drifted off to their last kiss, the way it felt, the way she tasted. Then he remembered that fateful night when she told him she had enough, that she was leaving. That she didn't love him, and how even perhaps she never did. Her words hit him like knives to his chest; and his cracked and beaten heart had heard enough before it took one last blow finally shattering it. He remembered the look on her face, the make-up running down her face, and most of all the dreams they had built, wishes that didn't matter now. Sometimes during times like these, Red wished he could just forget everything with a simple blow to the head, in hopes that these little things would be gone, the silly things, the way they fitted so well, and felt right, and the memories that he never can escape, and they would for once and for all stop haunting him.

He finally decided that he would just waste the day away, in bed probably drunk; just this day, he promised himself. He heard his phone buzzing and picked it up;
*Cooper wanted to know what time you're coming in. We've made a dent on your Blacklister, we can use some more of your sources.*
Of course it just had to be Ressler; but Red wasn't having any of this. He tapped away on his phone replying briskly.
*not coming in today. Dembe will give you everything you need.* then hit send. He didn't want to do anything today, honestly he just wanted to be left alone, just for today; he wanted to hurt he deserved it.

"So?" Cooper asked, waiting for Ressler to respond; "Reddington says he's not coming in today. Dembe would bring in everything we need." Ressler was a little concerned, he noticed that ever since the break-up Red had been...different. He might not like the man, but he did in one way or another felt for him; he was no monster after all. Liz furrowed her brows in concern and confusion "did he say why?" She asked trying to sound a bit less concerned. Ressler just shook his head "no, he didn't... Pray tell Liz, I'm surprised he even texted me back..." Liz was more concerned now, why was Red not coming in today? Then just like that it hit her like a bucket of cold water, the date hit her hard; it was their anniversary. Liz was only brought back from her reverie when Cooper's voice boomed; "okay, let's just wait for Mr. Zuma so we can close this one, meanwhile lets get back to work and see what we can come up with..."

They left the war room and went back to their tables; Ressler suddenly noticed that something was off; "Liz,you okay?" He asked his partner concerned; Liz tried to smile back but her eyes betrayed her "yeah, I'm fine..." Don saw all of it but chose to just let her be. *she must be thinking of him...*he thought to himself "okay..." He said with a small smile before Liz went to her table and so did he.

*the pictures that you sent me they're still living on my phone, I'll admit I like to see them...*

Liz returned to her table, as the tears threatened to fall. She saw her phone and took it in hand, she opened the photo gallery and browsed through; even though she and Red had been over, she never really had the power to delete their pictures. Sometimes she liked looking at them, thinking about how happy they were, then she'd end up thinking about the night where she had ended it all. Browsing through the pictures, she was reminded how happy there were; he was all smiling and happy. That certain boyish smile that reached his eyes, unlike the smile he had on these last few months. Swallowing her pride, she dialed the number that she knew by heart.

Late in the morning and Red was still in bed, he didn't even get bothered to dress up. He wanted to be left alone, so he instructed Dembe to go through the business just for today, and Dembe reluctantly agreed, but he knew it was hard to change Red's mind once it was made up.

Red heard his phone buzzing, and tried to ignore it, but after the second set of calls he decided to reach for it, his eyes grew wide as he saw the number that was flashing before his eyes. Lizzie. Lizzie was calling him, and he didn't know what to do, while his heart was pumping inside his chest he decided to dive in head first and answer the call.

"hello?" He said trying to keep his voice intact although his heart was racing inside his chest. Little did he know, that Lizzie was also struggling...
"Hey, Red..." She said trying to figure out how to do this "w-what is it Liz, do you need anything?" He asked trying to sound casual but Liz knows that it was hard for him. "Ress said you're not coming in today?" She tired to sound casual too which was working for Red. "Uh, y-yeah... Dembe will be coming in with everything that you need..." He said as he shifted around in bed trying to bury himself under covers and wished that this was all just a dream. "Are you okay?" Liz asked and knew immediately that that was a stupid question, and mentally kicked herself for sounding a bit insensitive. There was a still silence on the other end before Red decided to answer, "I-I'm fine..." He said, his voice sounding strangled "I just wanted to check up on you..." Lizzie said quietly, and it was taking every ounce of self control for him not to cry. He bit his lip and tried to compose himself "I'll be fine..." He slipped out before correcting himself "I'm fine." It was her turn to be silent on the other end; "Red?" She asked "yes?" He said quietly "you'll be back tomorrow, right?" She asked him hopeful that she's going to see him tomorrow. "Yeah..." He said quietly "okay..." She said "right..." She said her voice cracking but she cleared her throat, hoping that he didn't notice... "I've got to go..." She said quietly, but it was silent on the other end "Red? Are you there?" Red swallowed thickly, "okay..." He said quietly that she was barely able to hear "be back tomorrow, okay?" She added before ending the call "okay..." Red said much quieter, before she finally hung up.

After she ended the call, Liz buried her face in her hands as she realized just how much she really missed him... While on the other end, Red let the tears fall down his face...