Heartbreak Warfare

CHAPTER 2: "While The World Let Go"

After a few months of walking around in eggshells, Red and Liz managed to have a little more civil relationship, but Liz could still feel that something was off. It's true, she wanted to move on, and she hoped that maybe deep inside Red wanted to do the same.

They were nearing the end, they only have three more names left on the blacklist and after that Red will become a free man. She couldn't get bothered but to think that she'll never see him again, somehow inside her she didn't want to completely lose him. It's true that they already ended their relationship but that doesn't man she doesn't have to lose him completely. He had always been her touchstone, a confidant, a friend. Her best friend as a matter of fact, and she didn't want to lose that. She didn't want to lose him.

A few more months later and the list was over, and just like she had dreaded Red was gone in a breathe of air, just like he came into her life.

When she got word he was ill, he was staying at his Bethesda apartment, but not once did she thought he'd just be in the country this whole time. It was rare she got news of him anymore. That was by design. Three years had passed since he had whisked himself away from Washington in a hail storm of gunfire and death, fear and discovery. It had been a difficult time for them both. And, after years of completing the list and, a painstaking takedown of the Cabal and the clearing of his name for all crimes they had parted ways. She had accepted his continued protection and a new name, both of them having agreed that they were still friends, and graciously accepting being former lovers.

He knew she got on with her life. Early on, he received information about her - her desk job, her locations, her lovers. But, it quickly became too much for him, the knowledge an impediment to his equilibrium, so he stopped asking. He let her be. He got on with things, too.

Lizzie tried to come up with news about him but came up short. All she knew was the pieces of information that Dembe had given her. Business is still "strong" Red was still traveling. He had lovers, old ones and new ones. He was still powerful, and a lot of people were still scared of him. He never found his daughter, but he has never given up.

But, there was always something else - just beyond his reach, sitting in his peripheral vision, turning a corner, casting a shadow, whispering in his ear. He couldn't reach inside himself deep enough to stop it - that something else that kept him running, pursuing what, he did not know. He just knew that if he stopped too long, listened too hard, the results would be detrimental. And, so for a while he didn't.

That day she found Dembe standing in front of her house was almost a blessing and a curse. He stood quietly in the corner and waited. She walked to him and hugged the big man. They hugged each other like there was no tomorrow. Liz has grown fond of him and so did he, but she couldn't help but to feel something that was off.

"Dembe? What is it," Lizzie asked, her concern growing. "Are you alright?"

He looked at Liz then and spoke slowly: "Raymond is very ill." He paused, taking a deep breath before continuing, "He wouldn't want me to tell you but I think it's time you knew..."

"What?" Liz having been ushering the man inside her home, placed all the bags aisle, pushed off and approached Dembe, who stood across the room. She was shaking her head slightly, unconsciously. "How ill?"

"Gravely," Dembe answered, softly, nodding. "I think you shouldn't delay, Liz."

Liz swallowed, biting the inside of her cheek. She nodded back. "Wait for me while I pack a few things," she said quietly, turning away and walking out of the room.

He was just around, staying at his Bethesda apartment. He had been in and out of the hospital there for months, but there was nothing to be done now but wait. He had cancer, was riddled with it really. He wasn't too young anymore, and he thinks he deserve it too; "to fight, and never give up..." That's what his acquaintance said. No one had all been there for her for such a long time, but now he needed someone else. It was just always, himself, Kate and Dembe. Someone he couldn't bear to go any longer without. He had made the call that for a few years he had longed to make, and it had been so easy. So many things were easier now. "Tell her I miss her. Tell her nothing but only that I miss her."

There was nothing else to regret. Despite him being gone and all, she has a good life. Still a good career with the FBI, friends, lovers, and all that she could ask from a normal life, something that with him being there she couldn't garner. It was for the best, he thought to himself. If he could ask for one more thing before he takes his last breath is that he could tell her one last time now much he loved her, and loves her still.

Liz was surprised to find she was being driven to his home and not a hospital. Dembe had insisted on accompanying her on this journey. And while Liz had fallen into contemplative silence on the trip, Dembe was unusually talkative - but the talk was quiet, soothing, and Liz knew, anxiety-riddled. Dembe feared what they would find, and how they both would feel about it. Liz knew this, and she knew Dembe was right to fear it. She did, too. She feared how she would ever move forward from this experience, if it, in fact, played out as he was afraid it would.

After a while, Dembe pulled onto a quaint, tree-lined street and slowed the car to a crawl. She was looking for his house. Liz found it hard to swallow; her pulse had quickened, and despite herself, she felt the urge to tell Dembe to turn back, to take them back to the airport. She felt ill-equipped to handle this. After handling so much unpleasantness in his life, so many truly awful things, this might be her undoing. She could not face his death. Not Red. Not his bright, vivacious, spirited man, the one thing that, even after all this time, still anchored him to this world. Dembe stopped the car

Liz shook her head slightly and bit the oft-gnawed on inside of her cheek before taking a deep breath and lifting her head. The house was neat and welcoming, a perfect bit of Americana. "Okay, Dembe. Give me a minute," she said, her voice deep and full of dread.

"Elizabeth. You can do this," Dembe said, his eyes in the rear-view mirror sympathetic but his voice strong.

Liz only nodded as Dembe exited the vehicle.

When Liz finally emerged, Dembe pushed her body off the car where she had been leaning, waiting, not considering going to the door herself. He was merely there as support. He had no plans to participate in the meeting, much as he wanted to see How Raymond would react seeing as he defied him again. This was too important to her and to Red. So, when Liz looked back with a question in her eyes, Dembe only shook his head and stepped back into the car. He was going to leave them for however long it took.

Liz made his way slowly up the walkway to the front door. She decided to knock rather than ring the doorbell. Her first round of rapping garnered no response. There was a car in the driveway, but she didn't know his life, his schedule; maybe he wasn't at home. With trepidation, she knocked again. Dembe had left, so no matter what she would be here a while. Finally, she heard movement from inside, a slow shuffling sound and then a voice. "Coming."

She felt sick, shaking with fear and adrenaline. What would she see when he answered? Would he even look like himself anymore? It had been three years, and he was ill. What would he think when he saw her?Had he aged a lot or a little? He hardly knew; in all this time she hadn't cared enough to dwell on that. Would he be happy to see her? He hasn't asked to see her, did he? It was Dembe's sort of idea, right? He didn't know. She was afraid to know. But, more than all of that, she feared that once she saw him again, he would never be able to leave him.

The door opened slowly. And, then there he was. He held his breath as he gazed intently upon her; and he breathed, deeply and finally: "Lizzie."