Heartbreak Warfare

CHAPTER 5: Time After Time

Chapter Text
"How long, Kate? Please...Just tell me how long."

"Elizabeth. You should stop this now."

"How long...please?"

"Three months. According to his doctor. You are looking at the same charts I am. I don't know more than that right now. Despite the small town he lives in, the hospital is fairly good. His doctor followed the accepted treatment and even went beyond the norm to try something more experimental. It didn't work," she said, sighing. "Elizabeth, is he asking for your help? We've been down this road before, and Raymond refused to take more, his body couldn't handle the treatments very well after a few tries... He's voluntarily decided for this to stop, please dear, you must understand him..."

"Kate, I know someone who couldn't help him. If he lets me in, I could get a call to get it done. Chester is a very good friend of Sam, he helped Sam through this during his first trials... Please, I have to save him... I can't lose him, I just can't..." Liz answered, rubbing her hand down her face. She had been on the phone with Mr. Kaplan too long. She needed to go back inside.

Several hours ago, Kate had sent her Red's medical records - all of them. She stayed in his backyard reading them on his laptop until she couldn't take it anymore. More than three years' worth of illness, and two years of treatments, false hope and ultimate decline were all documented there on those pages. Red had been sick all the time they were finishing his list. Somehow she had noticed, but he had masked it all well pretending to be okay. And, now, in the back seat of his sedan, with Dembe in the driver's seat, she was making plans she knew she had no business making. Red hadn't given him consent for any of this, and she wasn't sure he would, but she needed to try.

"I'll call him and tell of you, I know someone who could help him as well... He's a very good friend of his. I just hope you understand the chances here. You need to be realistic," Mr. Kaplan said, then hesitated before continuing. "Listen to him, Elizabeth. Listen to what he wants. I'll be in touch."

Liz pulled the phone away from her ear and handed it to Dembe. "This phone needs charging. Thanks for letting me use it... You're a charm."

"Would you like me to stay and wait for you, Liz?," Dembe asked, reaching into the glovebox and fishing out another phone. He turned and handed the phone to Liz, a question in his eyes.

"No. I am going to ask him if I can stay. If he turns me down, I'll get a cab back to the airport. You go," she stopped then, pressing his lips together and looking out the window.

"Elizabeth ..."

"I should have been here... He's weak, Dembe. He's tired. I, uh, I can't leave him... Not after everything I did before...I don't want to live him...I'm sure you and Kate see him, but I can't he,o but to think he wants something more...," she said, shaking her head, staring into the distance. "He's just I remember him... Still handsome, dashing, charming...still, Dembe. As lovely as when you guys left three years ago,more so even. He's happy here. Her life seems like a peaceful one. I wish it were always mornings...He says he feels best in the morning." She opened the door then and reached for her overnight bag and laptop. She walked back to her front door and entered the house quickly.

She closed the door quietly, expecting him to still be asleep, but instead she found him crying on the sofa. "Ray? What's wrong? Are you in pain?"

He looked up, startled. His wide eyes tracked her as she moved closer to him. When she reached the sofa, he sat up and finally had the wherewithal to at least shake his head.

"Is there someone I should call? Something I can do?" She was distressed. And, he needed to relieve her of her concern.

He had long ago stopped lying to himself, and he wouldn't lie to her. He didn't before,candy he wouldn't start now. He would tell her the truth. "No. No. I'm not in pain. I thought you'd gone. And, I wasn't ready for you to go. I was feeling sorry for myself. That's all. Otherwise, I'm fine."

His forthright answer silenced her. She sat heavily beside him on the sofa. Her brow knitted, her mouth opening, then closing again, it was his turn to look stricken. She reached for his hand and threaded her fingers through his and squeezed. He wasn't sure of her yet, she knew. He didn't know this person she'd become over the past three years, but he knew what he needed to. And, she could talk to him now, help make him realize that.

"I didn't know you were coming today," he said, softly. "It was a surprise, a good one. I've wanted to see you for a long, long time. I just didn't know how to go about it, or if I should try to, I don't know, open that door again. I never reached out, and I figured you knew what I was up to, that you had the information you needed or wanted. And, asking you for more than that was unfair.as I said before, I owe you that much for you to have at least a normal life without me. It's the same reason I never called. It's not that I didn't want to know, but, maybe, more that I was afraid to. I was afraid to hear about your travels, your new favorite places, your relationships. It might make me want something ... other than what I had. And, maybe, I would find myself unsatisfied. I didn't want that. I don't think you did either."

She smiled at him, a careful smile with just a hint of fear behind it. His eyes were fixed on her; she seemed intent on hearing her out, so he continued: "When I first left you, I went to New Orleans. I lived there for a year. I liked it there. The people are warm and generous. And, the food? Amazing. I made some good friends. I lived with a woman for among a year. She was wonderful to me. She loved me, and I loved her like I shouldn't have. When she knew I wasn't the "marrying man" and she left, I let her... She deserved better. Then, I moved to New Mexico, but it didn't suit me. After a few moths there, I came to Oregon. I have lived in this house almost over two years. I love it. I feel in many ways that it is my first real home since I was a kid in Boston with my parents. I had a good "business..." If you can call it that. I have great friends who care for me, care about me. I have had two significant relationships with nice women over the past two years. The last one ended about a half a year ago. I made her go. I was too sick. I just couldn't have her go through that with me. I didn't want her to.

"That is the longest and street three years in a nutshell Lizzie. I just want you to know me now, and to know I have thought of you and missed you. That's why I want to spend time with you now. That's why I was upset when I thought you'd gone. I'm just really glad you came. I wasn't sure you would. I would have understood if you didn't. This isn't easy or pleasant. I know that. I'm sorry for bringing you into something ... difficult....again. If I would have known you were coming today, I would have prepared better, been more physically ready. This might have gone more smoothly. I haven't been the ideal host, have I?"

He stopped then, having worn himself out. He took a deep breath and reached for the water she'd left him on the table. His hand was shaking. He had shared a lot with her, maybe more than she wanted to know.

It took her a minute to process all hed said and gather her thoughts. There was so much she wanted to say, and so much more she wanted to know from him. She needed to first lay the groundwork for that opportunity. She squeezed his hand. "Red, do you think you could tolerate me as a houseguest for a while? My habits are much the same as they were all those years ago. And, I am prepared to cook for you and talk to you incessantly, if you promise to talk back on occasion. I'd also like to treat you to some really good coffee that we can, just like we used to. I have our old chess board with me, and I am willing, for old times' sake, to try and kick your ass each and every time we play. What do you think?"

"I think, yes," he laughed, his dimples prominent on his splotchy, tear-stained face. "That sounds really nice. Like old times."