Between Heaven and Hell || Destiel

Prologue

(Note: I know this is bad. I wrote it more than 2 years ago and didn't want to have to rewrite it. But Every part after this is written now and is much better I promise!!!)

It'd been a month. 30 days. One day of denial, 29 of tearing his hair out in worry. Dean felt as if everything had stopped. He knew minutes, hours, days were passing but he couldn't feel them. It wasn't real. Not even good, ole reliable Sammy could reassure him.

Eventually a promise had to be made. Dean would not obsess or worry and in return Sam would actually focus on getting better.

He tried. He really did try. Cas' habit of flying off right when conversations got serious or god forbid emotional should have prepared him for his absence. Dean Winchester would not lose sleep over a damned ex-angel. He wouldn't stay up worrying about whether Cas got to eat that day or found a safe place to sleep. He definitely wouldn't scour the Internet for sightings or take long drives in the impala to ''think'' when one would point him to a nearby town.....
Well, he tried.

It's ridiculous and it's crazy but he couldn't stop thinking about it. What if Cas in all his newfound humanness, decided the Winchesters really weren't worth the trouble they cause? What if he thought Dean's baggage and give em hell attitude would poison his pureness? Castiel wasn't under heavens influence anymore. No, now he was 100% Cas, a fragile thirty something year old who's probably going through a huge existential crisis. He doesn't need two dropouts to help him get through it. Especially since their solution would most likely be to throw alcohol at it. It's stupid and unlike Cas but....what if he's right?

Dean sat quietly in the library of the bunker, like always. The desk lamp shone across his features and if Sam didn't know better he would have thought Dean ten years older by the lines etched into his face.

Sometimes he watched Sam read, while other times he would ignore his brothers attempts at a conversation and stare off in a corner before grumbling something incoherently and making his way to his room for the rest of the night. Tonight, Sam decided, dean wouldn't be doing either.

Sam really was fed up with the constant silence following his big brother. Of course he knew what the problem was so he couldn't plead ignorance....but given the delicate nature of the topic he didn't exactly know how to bring it up. Tired of all the tiptoeing Sam figured he might as well just jump right in. His eyes shifted uncomfortably while he took a deep breath through his mouth, "Look dean....you have to talk about it, man. I've been in your shoes and I'm here, uh, if you need me."

His eyes came to rest on the blank expression plastered to his brother's face, "You can glare at me all you like, I'm not intimidated."

"I don't need you to be intimidated. I need you to mind your own freaking business, okay?" Dean hissed in reply. Frankly his behavior was out of character but Sam didn't let that discourage him. He turned on his best puppy eyes and remained silent.

Dean continued after a beat, "I'm fine. Really." He replied much softer now. The pain was evident in his voice.

"You miss him."

"I-I..." There were no words to describe the feeling. Sam wouldn't believe him if he told him the truth anyways. "Yeah. Yeah Sammy, I really do."

It was a gruff answer but honestly this is the farthest Sam had ever gotten. He didn't know what to do next. What's worse is he couldn't get a thought that had been nagging him for the last couple days out of his head....
"Dean, you might want to consider the possibility that he might not come back...ever."

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It'd been a few hours since the exchange. Dean had hardly come out of his room let alone spoken to his brother. Sam typed away on his laptop hoping to pass some time so he wouldn't have to think of dean's horrified expression. It was well past midnight when he let out a strained sigh and decided to get some sleep.