Natures desires

Never (7)

*Fawns p.o.v*

I sigh as I sit up in bed, steading myself carefully as my head rests against the headboard. Over the last day or so that I've been here, my healing process has sped up. It's not close to normal, but my scratches have slowly disappeared at the very least. The boy, Aspen, left a few minutes ago to grab me some food. The last meal that I've had must have been at least two weeks ago. I've been trying to sustain myself since then.

It's hard for me to accept help. I need independence. I've been in the hands of other people for my entire life after all. It's time for me to become my own person. To not rely on anybody, including that boy. Right now, my first priority is surviving. To survive, I need to gain these people's trust. Let them heal me, and get me healthy again. Then, I will escape once again.

The longer I stay here, the more I put myself in dangers path.

The door swings open causing my eyes to drift towards  the direction where Aspen walks into the room, holding a bowl of food. The smell drifts into my nose and immediately my stomach releases another loud grumble. I blush under the boys gaze and I grab onto my sides. Trying to stop my body from embarrassing me any further. 

"Here. My dad made this for you. There's lots left over if you are still hungry." He says to me, placing the bowl onto the small table adjacent to the bedside. I watch as Aspen moves the table so I could eat off of it.

He then gestures the food in front of me with a spoon. I look at him with a small smile, thankful for this meal. I've never smelt something so good. The smell alone is making my mouth water. To the point of drooling. My hands shake as I pick up the spoon and scoop up some of the food. Slowly I put it to my mouth and eat it. My eyes close at the taste of real food.

 When I was captured I'd only get oats, and whatever left overs they have. Sometimes they'd even feed me spoiled food. Only when I got one of the nicer guards did I have a slightly more edible meal. That was a rare occurrence. Then when I escaped, my food portions become smaller and smaller, until I reached the point I am at now. Starvation.

I could feel the nutrients hit my system the longer I ate. Soon, my stomach become full, a feeling I haven't felt in a very long time. I look over at the boy, realizing that I forgot my surroundings and was too focused on feeding myself. I mentally yell at myself for letting my guard down. Even if it was only for a few seconds. A lot of things could happen in a second.

They could have broken through the window, or I could have been poisoned. I look down at the food with a frown. He could have poisoned this food, yet I willingly accepted it. I trusted this boy, even if I have yet to find out his intentions.

He said earlier that he wanted to be my friend. Friend. A foreign word to me. Even as a young child I had no friends. My parents sheltered me away from the pack. Putting an end to any relationship I may have founded.

Yet, now here I am. In a new surrounding, with a boy who wants to be my friend. It is not logical. I have nothing to offer. I put him and his family at risk just by being here. I am not friend material. I never will be.

"That's the best dish that my father cooks." Aspen tells me. Sitting down on the chair placed beside my bed. I look over at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Right, I guess you don't care about that. All you need is food in your stomach. How long have you been out there anyways?" He asks me. I look away from him with a nod of the head, telling him that is a bad idea.

If he worked with other men, he would tell them how long I stay in one area. So when I escape they will know where and when to find me.

"Well, who are you running from?" He asks again, clearly not giving up. I take the bad of paper in my hand and write something down quickly. I show it to him and he immediately frowns.

"It's my business because I have to know everything so I'm able to keep you safe." He explains.

" I don't need to be protected. I can take care of myself."

"You need help little man. Look at yourself. You wouldn't have been able to go on if I didn't save you." He says to me. Annoyance flares inside me.

"I could have survived on my own."

"I'm not doubting that. It's just that right now, you are unable to." I glare at him heatedly. Why is he doubting me? I've survived weeks on my own without any means of help. I put the pad of paper down, done with what we are discussing. "I didn't mean to offend you. Just let me take care of you alright? All I want is to help you."

My eyes narrow slightly, searching his features that remain constant and conflicted. If I didn't know any better I would believe him if I  was honest. I would spout out everything I've been holding in for oh so long, and I would have given the word known as 'trust' a chance once more...

It's a good thing I know better then.

Scowling at my feeble attempt to once again search for a sign in this boy's body language that will throw him off. Something- anything- that will confirm he isn't what he seems, but once more I find nothing. Absolutely nothing that confirms my suspicions  and I'm not sure whether or not that's a good sign to think about.

"Hey little man I'm not your enemy. I'm here as a friend. Your friend." Aspen confirms gently, making my eyes snap towards him once more, glaring in frustration at his consistent persistence.

There's that stupid word again. How easily, I noticed, it rolled off his tongue like it was the most natural thing to say in this situation. If he knew half of my tale, I wondered, would he still have the courage to look at me anymore? Would he be able to sugar coat, and defend his meaning of the word that he spouts. There was nothing more sad- more annoying- than the truth that even though his heart isn't filled with darkness... it'll never be big enough to accept me.

With that thought I grabbed the paper and pencil in front of me once more, scribbling in my rushed penmanship before shoving it into Aspen's confused features as his hazel eyes dart across the lines. A hurt expression crosses his looks before he gets up from my side, looking towards the message once more before an exhausted sigh escaped his lips walking to the doorway without another word.

With a slam, the door closed making me jump from the unexpected sound. I bring my knees towards my chest as an unexpected feeling floods my system... guilt. I'm not supposed to feel like this. I can't. But for some reason, seeing that look cross Aspen's face almost made me regret pushing him away.

I don't know why.... all I said was....

'You'll never be my friend.'