White Walls

Chapter 2

I cried and cried and cried for hours I assume. When you’re as far gone as I you hardly notice the passing of time. Time doesn’t exist only moments do one moment to next. They just flow together but time… time doesn’t exist.

                It felt so good to cry to finally let all the emotion and frustration out. I began to wail as I sobbed, the emotions needed to get out. They had been stored up for years and years boiling and bubbling underneath the surface. Eventually things get overwhelming.

                I buried my head in my knees, hiding my face from the invading, watchful camera that was constantly swiveling. Left to right, right to left, left, right, right, left, left, right, right, left. I needed this moment of privacy; I needed this small moment of escape.

                Eventually I suppose my eyes dried and I lifted my head off of my knees, still I sat there, unmoving, unresponsive. Many doctors came in to try to get me to move and speak but I didn’t want to. I didn’t have the energy left in me for anything other than staying still and waiting. For what I don’t know, but still I sat and still I waited.

                “Gone, gone, gone. All gone,” I murmured to myself. It was true everyone was gone. Everyone. “No one cares!” I shouted, then in a much gentler tone I asked myself, “Why would anyone care about you?”A single tear slid down my cheek.

The iron door suddenly swung open, to reveal a small girl with brown hair and dull brown eyes. She wasn’t very pretty, her eyes were far apart and her nose was rather large, her face was covered in acne and her eyes shone in fear.

“Hello,” the girl gently whispered, the fear ringing clear in her voice. All I did was stare, unresponsive. “I…I broug- brought a cast,” she clarified, in a much stronger voice. “For… for you- your hand.” The girl was stuttering nervously. Obviously in fear. She appeared disturbed by my continued silence.  Good, I thought, let her be frightened by what she herself could very well become. Let her be plagued by nightmares by the coldness of my eyes and the emptiness left in my heart.

As she moved closer towards me I watched with wary eyes. She crouched down beside me, all of her movements were exaggeratingly slow, as if I were a cornered animal and she was attempting not to frighten me. She slowly reached for my right hand and took it by the wrist. She asked which finger I had broken and I pointed to my ring and pinky. She gingerly touched the base of them and I jumped in pain and surprise, she noticed my reaction and attempted to be gentler.

Fifteen minutes later the girl had put a cast over two of my fingers without me murdering her. Congratulations. I had come so close very many times. She left my room and I drowned in anger and misery once again. Time just appeared to float by in immeasurable lumps. Eventually I suppose I found my way off the floor and pulled my sheets off of the bed. I refused t call it mine, it wasn’t, and it never will be! All of it was so much of a blur the details hazy in my mind. I wasn’t thinking so you can’t label me as crazy, you can’t! I’m not I’m not I’m not!

I wrapped the sheet around my neck and pulled it tighter and tighter and I soon felt blood rush up to my face. I jerked my head up in surprise as the iron door burst open and doctors in sterile white with syringes in their hands entered. I flew up off the ground still pulling the sheet tighter around my neck and ran to the opposite side of the room, trying to get away long enough to succeed in my endeavor.

“Why won’t you just let me die?!” I screamed as tears streamed down my face. “I don’t want to live I don’t!” I could now taste the metallic taste of my blood in my mouth. I didn’t know where it came from and I didn’t care. “Just let me die. Please,” my voice had turned into a sob as I whispered the last line softly. The doctors ran after me as I felt my lungs begin to burn more and more. My lungs felt as if they would burst by the time one of the doctors stabbed my neck with the syringe and pushed the plunger down. My vision was spotted with red dots before it completely faded to black.