My Little Rants

Asking Girls Out As A Joke

Don't ever do this. Ever.

Because it leaves little girls in heaps on the floor thinking that no one will ever find them pretty enough or lovely enough or nice enough to date. It leaves teenage girls with the idea that all guys that ask them out don't really want to date them; they just want a good laugh about how easy she was to fool. It leaves women with a deeply rooted subconscious thought that no man who ever pays attention to them is actually genuine.

A boy called me pretty today. My first thought wasn't "that's so nice" or "wow he thinks I'm pretty?". It was "this is a cruel joke".

Not to say that I'm not pretty; I am. People have told me and I haven't doubted their sincerity. I've thought it in the mirror when I go out for the day. It's just the simple fact that a cute boy called me pretty within a week of meeting me so obviously he doesn't really mean it.

The first boy I ever had a crush on asked me out as a joke. (When his friend told me I kicked him in the knee as hard as  I could but that's beside the point.) When I went home that night, I stood in front of the mirror and pointed out every flaw that could possibly make a boy not want me.  I vowed to change them all as soon as I could. I was nine.

For the next seven years, every boy who ever looked at me or told me he liked me was a suspect of being cruel. I didn't date for six of those years, because I couldn't take anyone seriously who complimented me. My first boyfriend told me all the time that he loved different parts of me, and I didn't believe him. I never told him, but every single time he told me he liked my appearance it twisted a little part of me. That continued for the duration of our entire seven month long relationship.

To this day, I still think that boys who show me the least bit of attention aren't serious or they're exaggerating so I like them more than they like me. I told myself to not get too attached to boys, as they eventually break your heart and leave you in the end. I told my first boyfriend I loved him; I fought not to mean it.

It's not healthy. I can admit that. I know it's not. But it's not something that I can change or fix in the drop of a hat.

People told me it was my fault he asked me out as a joke. I was being too gullible; he didn't know it would hurt me; I needed to lighten up. I refuse to believe those things.

I won't say it's my fault. I won't say that I need to forget about that experience. Because it's not true. That experience taught me not to care about others' views on myself. I am completely my own and I need to recognize and love that.

It wasn't instantaneous. Not by a long shot. It took years of self-consciousness and pointing out flaws and trying to hide the unflattering things about myself and discrediting people telling me I'm pretty to realize that I always was beautiful,  I just needed to say it.

So please, for the love of everything good in the world, don't ask girls out as a joke.

It's not funny.

It does hurt.

She will remember it.

Know the effect of your actions.********

***********This is extremely hetero. I understand this doesn't just happen in hetero relationships. I was speaking from my experience, which was between myself (a girl) and a boy. And I'm not saying just boys do this. Chill.