2003

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December 28th 2003

"I love you." His voice hummed deep and rough close to my ear as it was in the mornings. I smiled and rolled onto my side whispering back in his ear.

"I love you too." At my response,he grabbed my waist and I giggled pushing his hands away but it was no use,his strength outmatched mine by plenty I was a kitten fighting a lion. "Jay,not now."

"Come on." He teased kissing my lips and nibbling on one playfully. I kissed him back but laughed through the kiss.

"Stop,my parents will hear us." I giggled putting a finger to his wet lips. He flicked his tongue out between his lips and I yelped,yanking my hand away. "Jay,gross." I groaned.

"Shhhh." He hissed jokingly. "Your going to wake my parents."

"Shut up,Loser." I teased,rolling onto my stomach like a baby learning to crawl for the first time. He wrapped and arm across my back and rested his head against mine,ear to ear.

"You really think I'm a loser?" He said quietly pretending to tear up and sniffle. I nodded with a strait face then slowly my smile creeped upward and cracked into a full smile.

"No,but seriously shut up,or they will kill me."

"They won't kill you. Unless you consider strangling a form of murder." He added and I groaned twisting in his arms so I was on my back and he moved up so he was over me,palms pressed against the ground on either side of my head.

"Jay."

"What?" He laughed and I sighed looking up into his deep blue eyes, they always caught me at a loss for words like the ocean, but not greenish and tropical but dark and powerful like the sea on a stormy night. I shivered at my thoughts and he grinned boyishly kissing my lips again,the soft rough of his lips lingering. "I love you." He repeated again with his crooked boyish grin that was always so charming to me.

I wanted to repeat the simple and sweet words but something tugged at me.

"What are we doing?" I asked looking into his eyes,heart still pounding from the kiss,the feel of his hot breath on my chin.

"We are currently hiding out under your bed enjoying a romantic getaway whilst you parents sleep soundly in the room over." He teased going in for another kiss and I stopped him repeating the groan.

"Jay,seriously. What do we know of love? We're only sixteen,you'll be seventeen in a week and once we leave highschool..." I sighed this was something that was a constant struggle for me. Despite how outgoing I was,there was something people didn't know about me. I had anxiety. Mainly anxiety about the future and what was going to happen and things that all possibly could happen.

Jay seemed to be the only one that I could stay calm around and that is what first drew me to him when we met in middle school. He had crashed his skateboard on the way to school, we have always lived in the same neighborhood and often ended up walking the way together. I helped him get to school with a concussion and a broken nose, post skateboard spill.

Since then his nose always had been a tinge crooked, and has a slight bump at the bridge that I only noticed because I knew what had happened. When he breathed,only one nostril flared but his family didn't have enough money for surgery and so the flaw remained.

He also had a tiny scar above his eyebrow where it was cut in the fall and had to be stitched,although there were obvious imperfections,I thought they were cute and personal like an old pair of jeans that were torn and faded all about, but you kept them because you've had them so long and had so many memories in them.

"Once we leave highschool...what?" He said softly breaking me from my thoughts.

"Exactly,what? We don't know what will happen how can you be so sure we'll stay together?" I wondered ,brow creased in concern. He smiled softly, with that constant edge of laughter he always seems to have in his tone.

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