piece of shit.

31 2 1

by musicality13

by musicality13

(Play music here)

According to my father , im trashy, my attitude sucks , i dress horribly, i wear too much makeup , i dont work hard enough , and he hates me painting my nails black.

I hate being 15.
Everyone treats me like a child.
I try to earn respect from my dad ,
And this shit happens.

So now im sitting in the bath trying.to calm my self down.
I cant stop crying.
I keep taking everything to personally.
I know he doesnt mean any of it.
I love my dad so much, but he is such an asshole.

I just want him to approve of me.
The real me.
And he doesnt even know that im gay.
Im afraid if i tell him, he wont love me anymore.
He is such a homophobe it disgusts me.
And the confusing part is, he has gay friends.
But he doesnt like it when theu "flaunt" it.

Im just really hurt right now.
Extremely depressed.
And tired.

Im just kind of numb.
And im just sitting here in the bubble bath.
Wishing my dad would make me feel like im worth it.
And the thing is,
he doesnt know that i used to cut,
he doesnt know that i thought about suicide,
He doesnt know that i like girls,
He doesnt know that im not the little girl that i used to be.
He doesnt know that he is tje main cause of all of this.

Turns out mental disabilities are genetic.
So it is literally his fault that i am like this.(minus the gay part)

I just want to fix everything.
Make it better for myself.
He hasnt been present in my life for months then he just takes his seat ,and starts ordering me around just like he used to.

Well news flash bitch, im not his little soldier anymore.
I have a voice of my own.
Its my life not his.
Im not breaking any rules by being myself.
I dont take orders from just anybody.
And he doesn't fucking own me.
I may be his daughter but he does not control my life.
I do , me , Not him.

I dont know im just kinda done he has done this 3 times already.
Im sick of him being like this.
Any ways im just gonna stop now before i say anything that im gonna regret.

I know eventually that my dad is gonna find this and read it eventually.
So i hope that when he does, he will realize that his little outbursts of being an asshole has affected me more than he thought.

SORRY DAD BUT PUTTING A BANDAID ON A BUTTLET WOUND DOESNT FIX IT.

Goodnight my little fishies.
- samantha