Obviously

six feet deep

i've started counting.

i may be dead and time may be irrelevant, but i've started counting days.

the days that go by without me.

the days that go by, i watch myself in them.

an alternate reality to this one where he and i were happy.

i started, at first, counting days.
then hours.
minutes.
seconds.

it gets a little bothersome when i lose focus and stop counting, meaning i have to rewind time to where i stopped.

i hope you aren't weirded out by my letters, you know. since they are coming from a dead person.

i just think, maybe you can help him.

where were we?

he confessed, right?

right.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

it was a hot summer day that transitioned into a cold summer night.

we hadn't talked in weeks. weeks! i'd thought he liked me.

besides that, what was with all the book talk? i didn't take taehyung as an avid reader...

anyway, weeks had gone by and i heard nothing from him.

oh! oh! he called when i thought he forgot me. hold on.

i'll write how it went.

we were on the phone for hours.

we talked about nothing and everything. we even made a date for that following weekend.

it feels strange writing past tense as present tense. does it feel weird to read it?

don't answer that. i already know the answer. i'm dead, remember?

being dead, everything i see is in black and white. i no longer get the sensation of finding a favorite colour. i don't get the pretty pinks and oranges of sunsets anymore.

but, looking back, when i was alive it was much the same. everything was boring. mundane.

when i finally met taehyung. the real taehyung, not admiring from afar, my life gained colour.

i wonder if he thought the same.

just because i'm dead, doesn't mean i'm omnipresent. i can't read minds, although, that would be cool. someone get on that.

from the day i truly met tae, i just kept digging deeper. inch by inch. shovel full by shovel full. i loved every second of it.

he treated me like a king. i used to think it was all my fault. i used to think i was the one that drove him to do what he did. but, even though i can't read minds, i can read faces and actions much better now.

i knew it was coming, but at least this time i could see when it was happening.

his slow stopping of pet names. his glares and eye rolls when i talked. his poor attendance to my life changing milestones. his lack of passion. his lack of care. him not being himself.

i only wish he had told me instead of me having to play detective. i still semi blame myself, but i knew at the start that our book didn't have a happy ending.

even though when we touched i saw colours, i stand by that to this century, the next, and forever. i saw colours.

for him... when we touched, his life stayed greyscale. no difference aside from my constant presence. i was a burden, but so was he even though i didn't notice until it was way passed too late.

but i saw colours. i saw beautiful colours i was previously unaware of. everything brightened.

i saw colours.

he saw grey.

life, fate even, has a funny way of wrecking everything good, doesn't it?

but how many people can really say what i can?

i saw the colours.