Betting on the winning love ~ everlark fanfic

Chapter 2: Fear vs hope

Katniss pov

White, so bland, empty, maybe I should repaint. Start fresh. There's no creativity, no sense of a future. Not that I have one. I need motivation not a setback in my life. Why can't everything be simple? This is typical though, just when things start figuring themselves out for me something has to come along and ruin everything.

One step forward and five steps back.

Shifting my gaze I glance around my room still in a daze of everything that's happened, exams are starting in a few weeks, Johanna had a breakup (if you could call it that?) that she cried over and my dad's been in an explosion. Just a regular day, and I thought I would have a life without drama. What a fool I was. I take a shaky breath in and as much as I try to prevent it, a sob escapes me. I look to my right and my eyes stop and land on my phone with its cracked screen as I remember what happened yesterday.

****

"It's your father", she stutters "H-he".

"Mum! Please!" I beg as I approach my door, my body shaking, whether it's from the rain or the sheer fear of what could have happened, I'm not sure.

I listen intently as fear surrounds me and all my muscles tense in anticipation before she chokes out, "there's been an explosion". I feel sick as terror seizes me. It feels like my heart has stopped and everything around me fades away as I go over what I've just heard. Dad, my Dad, my friend, father, teacher, he's been in an explosion. No, no, if I don't except it, it can't be true right? This isn't what's meant to happen. This wasn't planned!

I press my hand against a tree trunk outside my house and lean on it to stabilize myself as dizziness settles over me. My fears clouding my thoughts like a mist.

I stand there as I hear my mother weeping on the other line but I can't bring myself to say anything and without a moment's hesitation I hang up knowing if she speaks then its real. She'll understand, I hope. My eyes begin to fill with tears as the stress from my life overwhelms me and I pull on my hair before releasing a high pitched scream.

Strangers pass by sending me panicked glances but I just scream at them to 'leave me alone' and chase some of them away, literally. I can imagine why no one would want to help not that they could do anything. Its pouring with rain and I most likely look a mess with my soaked appearance and dishevelled hair as well as the fact that I'm at my house. If anyone came near me they would probably think they were trespassing and if I made a complaint then they could suffer punishment - most likely floggings with me as a witness - why take the risk?

I slowly lower my hands and it takes all my strength not to drop to my knees as a panic attack overtakes me. I stand their facing my front door before I begin screaming again, only this time I'm shouting at the sky knowing this isn't helping. "Are you serious?! Yeah real funny" I shout as the rain pours down harder, "What's your problem. Why me? Why? What did I do wrong?!" I say as I break down in tears before my anger gets the better of me and I raise my arm, launching my phone at the tree a few metres from me watching the screen smash to pieces.

I try to calm my breathing and I close my eyes tight as I try to ignore all the attention i'm getting. He doesn't deserve this. I walk in a haphazard fashion; my steps in different directions like a drunk person as my body sways from side to side. Choking back more tears I collapse harshly falling onto my knees as the rain pours down relentlessly on my shivering body as I struggle to pull myself together, knowing that once I full apart, its over.

****

Since then I've only gotten a few hours of sleep (4 at most) in 20 to 30 minute swatches. My head throbs painfully and even breathing hurts.