Makes Me Feel Like I'm Falling Down

Chapter Twelve (1/3)

XII.

To many people's surprise, Hanji didn't run over to Eren as soon as the trial ended. She remained perfectly civil and collected on the way to the headquarters, and not even there did she scoop him up and hug him. It was almost like she didn't know what to do.

Which, in fact, she didn't.

Up until that point, Hanji had kept going with the idea that taking care of Eren was a temporary thing. First she thought she'd keep him until his parents appeared, then until the Commander decided where to send him, then until he was assigned to one of the Military's branches, but she'd never really considered that she'd be the official guardian. Even when they'd decided to suggest her for the role the previous week, she'd been more worried thinking about how to win the trial than about what they'd do if they won, and suddenly she'd found herself as the official caretaker of a potential weapon of mass destruction who happened to be a kid.

What surprised many others was that Eren was as quiet as Hanji, and hadn't said a word since they'd left the court.

The boy and the woman sat next to each other in silence on the way back, kept quiet during the afternoon, and barely spoke to each other at dinner, despite the fact that finally being allowed to leave their room should have made them babble in excitement. Philip tried to start a conversation, but they replied with monosyllables or nods, and eventually he gave up.

At night, Hanji awkwardly pulled the covers over Eren, trying to think what to say, but he spoke first.

"What now?" he said, looking at her with wide eyes.

"You stay here and I'm responsible for you."

"You're supposed to be my mom now?" Eren frowned at that.

"No! No, of course not! You have your mom, wherever she is. I won't be your mom. I'll never be your mom. Or your dad. I won't be any kind of parent," Hanji was rambling and didn't know how to stop herself.

"A sister?"

"Not that either, sorry. I have to be responsible."

"What does that mean?"

"That if you suddenly decide to juggle knives, I'll stop you, tell you that you did something wrong, and then ground you so you learn your lesson."

"Like a mom."

"No. I'll be Hanji. Just Hanji. Always Hanji. Hanji, yes, that's good."

"Hanji?"

"Yes." She reached to run her fingers through Eren's hair. She hadn't done that since his first night at headquarters.

"And you'll always be Hanji?"

"For as long as you want me to. It's a promise."

"Really?"

Hanji pulled her hand back and adopted the position of the military salute, right hand to her heart, looking straight into Eren's eyes.

"Eren Yeager, I promise you I'll be Hanji, with all that that means, for as long as you want me to. I promise I'll watch over you, I promise I'll make a good person out of you, because your parents aren't here. I promise I won't let anyone hurt you, that the only way they could keep me from helping you when you need it would be by sending ten people against me, and even then I'd fight. I brought you into this mess and I'll make sure you are safe."

Eren looked pensive for a second before grinning.

"That's enough," he said. "I'm sure you'll be a good Hanji."

"I'll do my best." Hanji laughed, and a thought came to her mind. "Hey, I never asked you. How old are you?"

"Five. You didn't know?"

"I'd guessed, but I wasn't sure. When's your birthday?"

"March 30th."

"There's still a while until then. I'll make sure we throw you a party."

Eren's smile was so wide, that Hanji thought that, maybe, becoming someone's Hanji at nineteen years old wasn't so bad.

END OF PART I