Is there Somewhere? - Ryden

17

Brendon's fingers brushed over the keys of the piano in front of him. When he pushed one, a sweet sound filled his ears that made him forget his worries. He could feel someone behind him, but he didn't need to turn to see who it was. He knew. It couldn't have been anyone else.

He closed his eyes and let his finger dance over the keys, stringing each note together to form a melody. "That sounds pretty..." The voice behind him said. He sighs softly at that. Pretty. The notes he played were in fact beautiful, but pair them with the tears falling down his cheeks, the glass of whiskey on the piano top, and the empty bottle in the corner and suddenly the entire scene felt sad. It felt pathetic. Fitting.

So Brendon stayed silent, fingers stilling and eyes opening so he could write down a few notes on the blank sheet music in front of him. Then he moved to the leather bound journal that belonged to Ryan. He wrote down a few lines and then let his fingers return to the keys.

"Pete told me what happened..." Ryan began. Brendon could feel him getting closer. The musky cologne he wore was swirling up his nose now, and the warmth of his body was right beside him.

"Shouldn't you be with Helena?" Brendon asks, eyes focused down on the keys below his fingers.

Ryan slides onto the bench next to Brendon and let's out a soft sigh. "Helena can wait. You're my main concern right now. I want to help y--"

"I don't need your help Ryan." Brendon lets out, fingers moving to write more notes down on his sheet music. "I've been fine being alone for the past ten years, now is no different."

Ryan shakes his head gently and rolls his eyes. "I get it Brendon. Being alone feels normal to you, but it shouldn't. You need someone to rely on, someone who will--"

"I'm fine. Ryan. Really." Brendon looks up at Ryan for the first time. Ryan's amber eyes are filled with tears, and his chest is heaving slightly. It's the first time Brendon notices how torn up he is.

"I beg to differ." He comments, eyes moving over Brendon's face, then to the glass, then to the bottle in the corner, and then finally back to Brendon's face. "When Pete told me what happened it struck something in me... It took me so long to come here and see you because hearing what he said... What your parents said about you it... It reminded me of my parents and I had a panic attack. And in the middle of it I realized if what they said struck me so hard then you must be in worse shape and I--"

"I'm sorry it hurt you so much." Brendon interrupts, rolling his eyes slightly at Ryan's dramatics.

"I was more concerned about you than anything... I couldn't find you anywhere and I... I was afraid you did something stupid and..."

"I wouldn't kill myself over that. Wouldn't give those fuckers the satisfaction."

"I didn't mean.. I thought you had left, without even saying goodbye..." Ryan sighs and looks down at his own fingers. "And I started thinking about how everyone I've ever cared about has left... Everyone always leaves. My band, my best friend, my own mother... I couldn't let you leave too."

"Why?" Brendon asks, eyebrows raised in confusion.

"Because I fucking care about you Bren. Isn't that obvious?"

Brendon's head turns to look back at his music. He dismisses Ryan's statement. He doesn't want Ryan to care about him. And he doesn't want to care about Ryan. In the end people who care turn into assholes. They either leave or hurt him. It's much easier to not care, to push people away. Brendon found that was usually the best thing to do. If he didn't care, he could never be hurt. But the thing was he did care. He cared about Ryan a lot. And that scared the shit out of him.

"What all did Pete tell you?" He simply asks.

"Everything. He told me what they said when he contacted them... He told me all the things your dad said about you... Fuck, Bren. I'm so sorry you had to hear that."

"Nothing i haven't heard from him before." He shrugs. "You know, they're all hypocrites." He chuckles. "All my life they taught me to love everyone, no matter what their sins are. All sins can be forgiven. It's all a bunch of horseshit. The head of the Mormon church can be cheating on his wife and he's forgiven. The guy on eighth street can have an alcohol problem. Forgiven. The guy down the street can beat his wife. Forgiven. But god forbid the Urie's have a bisexual son. God forbid little Brendon Urie gets caught making out with another boy. Does he get forgiven? No. He gets his ass beat by his father and disowned by his own family. Little Brendon Urie gets sent to live on the streets. The church can't bare the thought of having a fag boy in the same neighborhood as them. The congregation can't have that." He laughs, and it's not a small laugh. It's a throw your head back, slap your knee kind of laugh that makes anyone around you think you've gone insane. And when it's over you start crying, or at least, that's what Brendon does. "If it wasn't for Esteban Rojas and his pouty lips, I would probably still be living with those assholes."

Ryan chuckles slightly as Brendon does. He wraps his arm around Brendon's center and moves to press a small kiss to Brendon's cheek. "Well thank god for Esteban and his lips." Ryan whispers. Brendon laughs softly at that and moves to wipe his cheeks clean of tears.

He nods. "I constantly thank God for Esteban."