Pure Torture: a Hunger Games Fanfiction

Chapter 78

Katniss

"I promise you I'll be the promise you can keep. Until the end of time and on the other side." -Alex and Sierra

"I'm so ready." I groan as Peeta looks at my stomach. We sit on the couch downstairs, watching some stupid Capitol TV show that came on after the news.
He places a hand on my stomach.
"I know. Soon, sweetie. Soon she'll be out and you won't have to deal with this anymore."

Halfway through my 8th month of being pregnant... For eight whole months I've carried her, whether I wanted to or not. I shudder at the thought of me terminating the pregnancy a few months ago. I couldn't do it. Maybe her life won't be perfect, but we're trying like hell to make it work.

He holds my hand and I clench my eyes shut. Sure, withdrawal is done, but now I face the effects of not having the drug in my system.
"I'm done. I'm done. I don't want this anymore. I'm done." I say.
As soon as it comes out of my mouth, I regret it. Peeta looks at me, concerned.

I grit my teeth and inhale through my nose.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."
"Yes, you did." He replies.
He shuts off the TV and stands up.
"Where are you going?" I ask, getting worried. Is he leaving me? Did I say too much? I've really done it this time.

His face looks like stone, unmoving.
He reaches his hand out to me. I grab it unsurely and he pulls me up off of the couch.
"Where are you going...?" I ask him. My chest aches with worry. He doesn't say anything. Instead, he grabs my arm and leads me upstairs.
"Peeta--"
"Shh." He says harshly.

He pulls me into the baby's room and shuts the door firmly.
I feel guilty as soon as the door shuts.
"I'm sorry." I say softly.
"I don't want to hear you're sorry." He says. His face is still stony.

"What do you want to hear?" I ask.
"I don't want to hear anything." He says.
"Why did you bring me up here?"
He places his hand on the crib.

"It's quiet isn't it?" He asks.
I nod.
"2 weeks, Katniss. 2 weeks. Everything is going to be so different. You've gotten so far living life like this, so you can't give up now. She's almost ready, Katniss. She's almost ready. But she's not the whole way ready. If she was, she'd be out. And so as long as she's still in there, still not coming out to us, you're not done. You can't be done. Look around you. You don't have to do this for much longer, but for now, you do." He says.

Tears threaten my eyes.
"I'm going to be horrible at this."
"At first, yeah, you probably will be." He says. His words slice into me.
"But," He continues, "I will be, too. She's our first one, Katniss. We don't know what we're doing. No first-time parent knows what they're doing. You're going to be bad at first. But so will I. You're not in this all by yourself. It took the two of us to make her and it's going to take the two of us to raise her right."

I nod my head.
"Promise me you won't leave me and her. Promise me you'll love me, even when you hate me. And no running away, when things get tough. Please." I say.
"I promise." He says, putting his hands on my shoulders so we're face to face.

"And you need to promise me that you're not going to give up. I know you're going to want to. Promise me you won't run away when things get hard. Promise you won't turn away from your problems. Promise me that when you need help, you'll ask for it." He says.

"I don't want to bother you. Sometimes my problems are nothing. They really aren't that big of a deal." I say, trying to convince him. There's no prevail on my part.
"Katniss," He says, "Feeling like you want to stab yourself isn't 'nothing'. Not being able to tell what's real and what's not isn't 'nothing'. And being scared all the time isn't 'nothing'. You can't say that they aren't a big deal."