The Chronicles of Smith & Jones

Chapter Five - CyberPunk

"This is really getting rather tiresome, you know," said Smith with a sigh once the incredibly bright and intrusive white light had subsided. "The most adventurous thing I ever did before being trapped in this loop malarkey was to have gin instead of whisky."

"Where are we this time?" Jones asked, not that knowing would do him any good, nor would he be able to do anything about it.

"I'm not sure," Kris replied. "We do appear to be outside though."

"Well I'm certainly glad you're here to clear such things up," Smith scoffed. "I don't know if we would ever have reached that conclusion on our own, what with the Moon being so bright and all."

"There's no need to be like that," said Kris.

"Well it is your fault, after all," said Jones. "You and your sub-space communications whatsit. Had it not been for that, Smith and I would be enjoying a post-fisticuffs beverage, no doubt in the company of ladies of ill repute. Instead, we're being dragged who knows where by some hitherto unseen entity accompanied by a harlot from the future and a talking machine."

"I assure you, Sir, I am much more than a talking machine," said H'ver, sternly. "In fact, I daresay I have the answer to the question you asked but a moment ago."

"In which case where, pray tell, are we?"

"My systems indicate that the sub-genre of science fiction we are currently occupying is Cyber Punk," the robot replied. "I wager that you humans will find you have been augmented in some way or another. Much like what occurred when I first joined you in the Super Human portion of the loop, it seems that with each sub-genre visited we take on certain aspects found primarily within."

"What?" Smith and Jones asked in unison.

"He means there's probably a little bit of machine in all of us," said Kris, translating H'ver's theory into layman's terms. "For example..."

"No need for examples, unless you are going to keep the noise down," said Smith. He had his eyes closed tight and was touching his finger to his right temple.

"What on Earth are you doing, Smith?" Jones asked. "You look like an imbecile."

"I assure you that is not the case, Jones," replied Smith. "I am, in fact, watching the cricket."

"You're watching... Oh, my word..." Adopting a similar stance to his friend, Jones found that he too was able to watch the cricket, in high definition no less. England were several runs short of Australia's total and suffering a shortage of batsmen capable of hitting the ball. "Well, no surprises there."

"At least it's keeping y'all out of trouble," Kris muttered. She hoped that the Cyber Punk section of the loop would be over soon and if that was the case, she doubted that it would be soon enough.

"Anyone fancy a pasty?" H'ver asked as a section of his front panel swung open to reveal an oven that was most definitely much bigger on the inside. Multiple shelves filled with piping hot food were quite clear and although the combination of aromas made everyone's mouth water, that was not enough to tear Smith and Jones away from the cricket.

Ignoring H'ver, Kris glanced at her human companions. Both appeared to be wearing finely tailored suits, the articles of clothing themselves brimming with tech if the visible lights and circuitry was anything to go by. She then turned her attention to her own attire and was quite surprised to find that she was still wearing the same garments – or lack thereof, as they most certainly did not leave much to the imagination – as she had worn in the Super Human portion of the loop.

"How about a sausage roll?" H'ver asked, ignoring the fact that he was being ignored. "Or popcorn. I can do popcorn."

The most worrying thing for Kris though was not her outfit, nor was it H'ver's bizarre desire to fatten everyone up. No, what disturbed Kris the most was what the augmentations specific to the Cyber Punk portion of the loop were doing to the augmentations she had already been fitted with. She'd had a bionic eye since the age of thirteen, for example, and the chip in her head meant she was in possession of rather high intelligence. In all fairness, she switched the latter off unless she really was really struggling with a cross word, because she wasn't comfortable with how massively arrogant said intelligence made her.

"Fine, how about some tea?"

"Tea?"

"Did he say tea?"

"Guys, I think something is really very wrong."

"Earl Grey?"

"No, but if you have Assam."

"Assam? Sure..."

"Lovely!"

"Guys... Seriously..." As she spoke she glanced at her hand. In it was a weapon of some kind that she was very much certain had not been there before. "Guys!"

"Yes?" Smith asked, turning to face Kris with an annoyed look upon his face. Said annoyance quickly turned to confusion though, when he noticed the gun that was levelled at his face.

"Run..."