The Only One {Harry Styles AU}

5. Then-ish

Today was incredible. Thank you for coming with us to church, even though it's not something you believe in. It's been so lovely, spending the last couple of weeks with you, with mum and Gemma and my old school friends. You've been so lovely. I feel like we're in this bubble, floating through May and into June. And I'm so in love with you.

Faith has always been a part of who I am. I believe in God. I believe in heaven. When I contemplate a world without a creator, without a leader, it terrifies me. The chaos of it terrifies me. When I contemplate death, the idea of a dark and endless abyss, or just an ending with nothing more scares me almost more than the idea that there may not be a God. I am comforted knowing I will see you again even if death separates us.

I can so clearly recall sitting on these pews as a little boy, with my hands clasped and my fingers laced, listening to the pastor, getting on my knees in earnest to pray for the happiness and safety of those I loved--my mum and dad and Gemma. And my animals. And my friends. I even prayed for the flowers in my mum's garden.

I remember one day I closed my eyes, and I prayed for the girl I would one day love. I think I was maybe seven. My parents were fighting all the time, and it was clear the end was near. Of course, I prayed for them, wishing for God to make them happy and stop fighting. (He did, one could argue. They are happy. They've stopped fighting.) And then I prayed for you. "God," I said in my mind, "I don't know her yet, but please take care of my someday-wife. Keep her safe. Watch over her until I can get to her."

He did, one could argue. Yes, you've certainly faced unbearably distressing times in your life, and yet you have borne them. You are here, and you are safe.

And I am looking out for you now. I will always take care of you. I will always love you.

I believe in God and heaven because the alternative is too awful to imagine.

I believe in you and me and our love and forever because the alternative is unimaginable.