Trigger warning: suicide attempt
This is a song fic to one of my favourite songs if not my favourite song at the moment - I'm low on gas and you need a jacket by Pierce The Veil
Choke, tried to wash you down with something strong
Dry but the taste of blood remains (of blood remains)
Cold, empty mattresses and falling stars
My, how they start to look the same
You're sitting in a bar on the outskirts of nowhere drinking everything strong you can get your hands on like you have been for the past few days trying to get over your boyfriend whom you found cheating on you with some blonde bimbo whose name he couldn't even remember. Although that's what everyone said he'd do. Kirk is and will always be a lady's man.
You first met the 'hero' of your story, at a bar like this when you were cadets, needless to say you were wooed by the man but apparently you had wooed the cadet who was ( and still is) infamous for sleeping around and ended up dating the guy. It was great, he was loving and was someone who understood you. On your first anneversary he brought you up to the observation deck on the enterprise and told you he loved you and the two of you watched the stars all night long.
So keep in happiness
And torture me while I tell you,
"Let's go in style."
A million hooks around
A million ways to die
Darling, it's cold outside
You thought it was you, that made problems, how he became more annoyed at you and would skip dates which was hard to come by since your station was undermanned. Uhura was the first one to tell you that he was cheating she came to you one day as you were about to enter you cabin "y/l/n be careful, I think Kirks cheating but I don't want you to get hurt by him." You didn't believe her needless to say, her and Kirk never got along that often so maybe it was a prank or just a lie. Until Bones saids the same thing as well as Spock and Sulu, even Chekov offered his condolences which made you feel bad about ignoring Uhura but also tired of trusting Kirk.
Kirk avoided you even more now so the two of you couldn't break up but it was over, both of you knew it and he was just delaying the inevitable by avoiding you.
No, no more eyes to see the sun (to see the sun)
You slide into bed while I get drunk
Slow conversations with a gun
Mean more than I've ever said to anyone, anyone
Kirk was your downfall, him telling you he loved you while you watched him flirt and kiss other girls made you feel worthless and unescessary. Slowly you stopped having enthusiasm and hope for anything. The thing that broke you however was when he finally came to see you. He was drunk. Understatement at that but he came to you, and tried to kiss you. You push him away. "I'm sorry Jim, but I can't." you say quietly turning away "What why, did I do something?" he asks concerned, drunk Jim to the rescue. "You cheat on me, forget me and only remember me when you want me not when i need you. We're over" you say walking away form him into your room, tears leaving pale lines down your face and your breathing heavy.
You walk over to your draws and pick up a gun, you shouldn't have one but you do. You stare down it, acknowledging the loaded barrel and the trigger in you fingers reach. You plach the muzzle to your head and close your eyes, "I'm sorry" you whisper preparing to pull the trigger. Until you realise that it wasn't your fault and that even if you try to blow your brains out someone will hear. You put the gun down steadily stepping away from it. You need to get away from this goddamn ship.
But last night, you said you ended up in Palm Springs dancing on tables
Almost fought some bitch at the club (yeah!)
Got kicked out of your hotel and lost your shoes
Well, fuck, what am I supposed to be, impressed?
You're just another set of bones to lay to rest
I guess it's time to say goodnight.
Hope you had a really good time, good time
It's been six months since you left the enterprise, you now work on the dock yards assessing people and preparing new cadets for the academy, not what you wanted to but it gets you away from all the pain. Every so often you get a message from Jim apologising and begging you to take him back, but news travels fast and you alreayd know that he's back to his old self, partying , being an obnoxious captain with no care for rules so you keft him behind with the memories. The last time you saw him was when you beamed off, leaving him a note for him to read since he refused to talk to you, all it said was 'so long and goodnight, so long not goodnight' a line form one a song you used to hear a lot growing up. As much as you loved Kirk you know this was the right way to go.
And I will soon forget the color of your eyes and you'll forget mine
So keep in happiness
And torture me while I tell you,
"Let's go in style!"
A million hooks around
A million ways to die
Let's go outside
It'll be alright
Last night, you said you ended up in Palm Springs dancing on tables
"Can I buy you a drink?" you look up into a pair of familiar overly blue eyes in the empty desolate bar. "Who says history desn't repeat itself." you say staring into them looking at the hurt and loss buried in them. "I didn't cheat she threw herself at me and I lost you, I don't expect you back but what do you say, go on a date with me?"
a/n I could be back or I might not be I don't know but here enjoy this I haven't actually tried to worte something in a while and thought about it, sorry if it's terrible...
