Blinking furiously you made last minute attempt to wake yourself up enough to position contacts into your bloodshot eyes. The cold shower from before left you even more tired and now frozen at the crack of dawn. Removing the retainer from your mouth, you lifted your weak arm to brush the toothpaste round your mouth into a foamy mess. Rinsing you dropped your towel feeling the fresh morning air from the bathroom window hit your skin making your body shiver. You were careful to pull on some underwear before gritting your teeth together and pulling up your black skinny jeans, recently ripped at the left knee over the recently healed wounds on your upper thigh, the material scratching against them in sickly sweet sting that you couldn't decide if you loved or hated. Pulling on a bra and your 1975 band tee which came mid waist to meet the high waist of your jeans. Looking back in the mirror you let out a slight grumble in displeasure of your appearance and went to blow dry your long hair letting it fall into soft natural waves down your back, securing it to the side with a bobby pin and applied foundation to your face with your signature flicked eyeliner and a little blush. You were pretty plain to be honest, and you felt it too. Getting ready for the day was something you hated because it meant having to look at yourself and that meant your head picking at every flaw you had. A slight tear almost left your right eye as your vision blurred but you were pulled back to reality by pounding on the bathroom door.
"Y/N!!!"
"Okay okay I'm coming"
Opening the door you were met by a smiling Luke, laughing at his messy blonde morning hair you smiled. "Sorry did you want in"
"No we made pancakes for breakfast, come and get some before Calum eats them all" his deep morning voice grumbled cheerfully at you as he stared open eyed waiting on your reply.
"Sure, okay two secs"
Leaving Luke to head downstairs you turned off the bathroom light and followed after him, preparing for what was next.
"Morning!" Ashton cheered as you entered the kitchen, followed by a mumble from Calum who had a mouth full of pancakes and a wave from Luke who couldn't even attempt to speak as he munched on the batter. You were always amazed by how happy they all were at the early time, sometimes you wondered if they slept at all they were so high.
"Syrup?" Ashton asked politely as you sat down next to your plate.
"Erm..no thanks im good Ash" the thought of food at all made your stomach churn never mind adding countless calories of sugar on top of it.
"Well eat up, your looking a little lanky lately babe" you heard Calum state through a mouthful of food.
Yes you weren't eating properly and yes it was becoming a problem but admitting it or having other people admit it only caused you a fear of food even more. It was a little messed up as just as before when your feelings of the pain from your jeans caused you some pleasure so did the look of a half finished plate of food.
"Anybody leave any for me?" Snapping out of your thoughts you head flew up in the direction of the kitchen door, finding a half dressed Michael. Messed up hair, tired eyes, and of course, Her on his arm.
*Flashback 3 Months ago*
"Hey thats my shirt" You could remember hearing the playful whines of Michael when he entered your bedroom for your annual friday night movie and pizza.
"Well you shouldn't leave it laying around for anybody to take it then Mikey"
"Should have known you couldn't keep your hands off, you've been stealing my stuff ever since we were little"
"Well yeah your my best friend, whats yours is mine and i'd say whats mine is yours but I'm not sure a bra would suit you" you had laughed back at him.
After countless action movie disasters as neither of you could get into a film you ended up hanging off the edge of your bed and pulling funny faces a Michael leaving an amused expression on his face.
"Hey how about we ditch this place and go see the fireworks in town" he suggested as your body had almost fell off the bed agreeing at to his request.
....
Remembering the bursts of light that filled the sky left a subconscious smile on your face. The cold night caused you to cling on to Michael who had opened his jacket to pull you into his warm chest. It was oddly like something out of some romance film, but you remember pushing the feelings you had for Michael to the back of your brain knowing that he would never want anything more than friendship.
"You look beautiful tonight" his voice had echoed in your ears and you looked up to meet his gaze which seemed to have been on you for longer than you knew. Blushing slightly you can still remember his arms wrapping around you tighter, the smell of his cologne when he leaned in and the softness of his lips when they touched yours allowing fireworks to ignite in you as well as the sky.
The last moments of your friendship were the closest you had ever had. It was like you dreams had came true and nothing could tear you away from the guy you loved with all your heart. But the night had to come to an end and it did with a bang. You still recall the look of horror in his face as he pulled away from your body.
"I, i have to go" he rushed and his body took off through the crowd, nowhere to be seen.
Crushed you had walked home, back to the flat you shared with all the boys. Although terrified to face him, nothing had prepared you for what you came face to face with.
A bleach blonde, fake tanned, skinny model like girl giggled from the couch. Her arms around Michaels head and her legs straddling his waist. He was sat on the couch, his back turned to you, bot even bothering to look your way as she gasped, waving and screeching a high pitched hi as she whispered to Michael how she assumed they would be alone. He had chucked and pushed her off pulling her out the front door brushing past you without a second look.
Running to your room you finally stopped to process your thoughts. Breaking down and beginning to trash the place you prayed what had just happened was a bad dream, a nightmare but it wasn't. You knew he had just picked his bimbo up on the way home from running away from you but it felt like he had declared his undying love for her and hatred for you. Memories of how you found his shirt laying in the corner of your bedroom and how you fell asleep clutching it to your chest in the hope it would bring Michael back, but waking the next morning cold and sore from sleeping on the floor alone made you realise how real it all was.
Your friendship didn't need to fall apart over the past few months it, had happened in that one night.
*End of flashback present time*
"Earth calling Y/N" Luke chucked as you looked up from your reminisce to find all the boys including Michael who was now sitting on a stool with that same girl on his knee all staring at you. She didn't care about Michael just liked to parade him about for popularity. It wasn't like thy had anything in common just liked to scream each others names in the middle of the night which only adde to your pain.
"Yeah, sorry i was miles away"
"Clearly" you heard Her giggle and role her eyes at Michael as he smirked down at her face.
"Babe, we asked if you were coming to the beach, its warm outside and we are off thought it would be nice since its our day off"
"Erm no i have studying to do for college, I'm sorry" you lied not prepared to verse the stick thin model in a bikini or risk any of the boys see the scars across your thigh.
"Uhh c'mon Y/N, pretty please" Calum and Ashton did their best puppy dog eyes but even if you wanted to you couldn't.
The boys were gone within the half hour along with Her, and you set to work flicking through the countless channels of the TV finding nothing to watch. Your head started to work overtime as you knew it would, thoughts of Michael and Her processing through it, thoughts of how you were ugly and disgusting and how no wonder he didn't want you because you were stupid and nothing that he would ever want going round and round causing the eventual breakdown of your eyes to hold tears in any longer. Your legs eventually pulled you up making you run to your bedroom which by this point was almost empty due to the obsessive cleaning you had started these past months due to a loneliness which had filled your body. Scrambling through the top drawer of your dresser your fingers connected with the small blade you hid from world just as you stared at the metal in your hand you were shaken by the sudden slam of the front door. Throwing the blade back into your drawer you covered it with folded cloths and peaked your head outside the door of your bedroom so see who was there.
It was quiet and you knew you would have to go downstairs or whoever it was would come up to you, which was the last thing you wanted due to what almost occurred. Popping into the bathroom to clean your eyes up and fix your hair you slowly moved down the stairs of the flat and came to a halt when you saw a plaid shirted, spiked blonde Michael sitting on the couch. His hands were holing and x box remote and his eyes squinted at the TV as he bit his lip in concentration. You knew he was angry due to the fact he just lost 3 times in a row within the space of a minute. Your heart mellowed slightly as you worried for him, even after what had happened these few months and everything you had going on in your head, you still cared for him. In fact you still were very much in love with him, truthfully thats why it hurt so much. Your feet tiptoed to the kitchen where you prepare a mug of hot chocolate, knowing that it always cheered him when he was down, you hoped in this case it would calm him instead.
Moving through the hallway you almost changed your mind and ran back to your room countless times before you took a deep breath walking into the living area cautiously and leaning down to place the mug on the coffee table, never looking in Michaels direction. Straightening up almost fearful to be in the same room as him you turned to make your way back to the stairs.
"Y/N"
Your body came to a halt, your voice almost sounding foreign coming from his mouth. Butterflies filled your stomach with a hopefulness of excitement but tears were also filling your eyes prepared for he worst. Turning you felt so self conscious in front of him. He had no idea how much you had picked yourself apart finding every reason for him to have ran away that night. To him you felt worthless.
"Y,yeah" the word struggled to come out of your mouth, you were terrified of the situation you were in. Knowing that one sarcastic comment or piss take would cause you to break down.
"Come sit with me?" He almost seemed nervous himself.
Moving across the room you sat on the opposite en of the couch waiting on whatever he had planned.
"I miss you" he stated so bluntly like it was a conversation on the phone when he was on tour. You swear if you closed your eyes you could picture it perfectly.
"I miss you too." You almost choked on your words being so vulnerable in front of him.
He turned now facing your side, you were perched on the edge of the couch, slumped over and your body tilted away from him. You heard him sigh and your heart picked up as he pushed himself closer to you on the couch. His arms wrapped around you tightly pulling you into him. You heart now racing and you head spinning from the familiar yet strange comfort he was giving you.
His hands were warm against you back, his breath hit your neck as his head rested on your shoulder snuggling closer to your body. Clamping your eyes shut you made the most of that moment shifting you arms from his chest and wrapping them tightly around his waist resting your head against him. You felt him place a kiss against your temple and push your hair back smoothing it, something he always did to relax you.
"I love you" he whispered the words in you ear and you gasped against his body.
Pulling back he cupped his hands around your face.
"Don't run Y/N just hear me out please. I really do love you. And i know I've been a dick more than that an ass hole and I'm so sorry you have no idea how much. The truth is when i kissed you, it was perfect and all i could feel was love for you. But i got scared and i ran. I was scared o my feelings, i don't do commitment but i want to do it for you. I came back here because the boys had a go at me, Luke actually had a go and told me how much of a dick i was being. And you know everything he said was completely true. All I've done is hurt you, and i never wanted that, please believe me i would never want that. I want to make you happy, i want my best friend back, i want the girl I'm in love with back. I want you Y/N because i love you."
"I feel sick" you stated actually thinking you were going to throw up. Your heart was pounding, your cheeks red and ears not quite believing what they had just heard, it was all so much. Standing up Michael stood with you catching your hands in his looking panicked, eyes wide. Stumbling back slightly you became scared you had cut yourself and starved yourself for months, what had you done? Now he was yours, he was yours all along but your head was messed up, you were messed up.
"Hey, hey, please" he pulled you into him and before you could object his lips pressed against yours, you were back 3 months ago, standing in the dark surrounded by the fireworks again. Holding tighter and kissing with more love never wanting the moment to end. But it did. But e didn't run. He stood tall looking at you gazing up at him and he smiled and goosebumps hit your body and and urge to kiss him again took over you and you did. The moment was long overdue but all those dark thought didn't matter anymore, only he mattered, his love.
"Michael? I love you, so just please don't hurt me" you requested like it was life or death and he frowned.
"I promise you i will never hurt you again, but baby you have to promise me you will stop hurting yourself."
Your eyes widened an you started to panic again.
"I know baby, i know what you have been doing your so thin and you rarely wear revealing cloths your all covered up. You don't need to explain yourself to me, but let me help you. Let me love you"
Clinging onto him your heavy heart felt light again, the pain was lifting and things started to feel normal again. Biting your lip you stared up at Michael, his arms round your shoulders and yours round his waist. He winked at you lightly and you giggled.
"Wow its good to hear you laugh, see you smile"
"You make me this way" you stated blushing and pulling his head down to kiss your lips, ruffling his hair in the process. He pulled you into his arms and spun you round laughing together.
"This feels so right, I've got you back, i promise Y/N i will never let you down, yeah I'm stupid and i care more about pizza than tax bills but you keep me grounded and make me believe in myself and I've never known anybody to encourage me to dye my hair mad colours or jam with me at 3 am and i never wanna know anybody else to do that, only you." You had that gooey feeling in your stomach an your pretty sure you both looked life goofy puppies as you clichély stared at one another.
"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS" you heard a screech coming across the living room from the front door. Michael didn't even put you down as you both looked at the door. The boys were back, standing smiling like cheshire cats making kissy faces at you both.
"Babe, I'm not being funny but this was a long time coming" Ashton looked at Her and spoke. "I think you have used Michael for his fame long enough, don't you guys?" He quested at Her and the boys.
Huffing she slammed the door behind her before Luke perked up, clapping his hands out in front of him.
"So who's for Pizza?"
You all laughed and Michael kissed you lips once more "pepperoni babe?"
"You know me too well" you whispered back
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Creds: flyinghighwith5 on Tumblr
