infatuated | joshler (boyxboy)

one

you made eye contact with me today.

it's not much, but it made my whole world stop. everything seemed to slow down and all i could concentrate on was your eyes looking into mine. your smile can light up a whole room, josh. and the way your eyes crinkle at the corners..

i quickly looked away because i know you don't care about me at all. i could just feel it. you went back to your friends immediately, acting like nothing had happened.

it breaks my heart that you don't care anymore. i know deep, deep down you still remember me. i am so hopelessly, endlessly in love with you but i know you'll never feel the same way.

i love seeing you happy because you deserve it. you deserve every single ounce of happiness in this whole world and if i could tell you that i would. i just want to be part of your happiness. that's all i want. it'll never happen. never.

abbey says that i'm obsessed with you. she finds my love for you weird. i don't think she understands how i feel. abbey's not the nicest of people, but she's all i have so i have to put up with her. but josh, you're all i think about. every day, night, your image, your laugh, it takes up my thoughts constantly. i promise it's not creepy.

i lie awake at night, memories of when we were younger clouding my brain. we were so close back then. too bad you don't even acknowledge me now. why don't you acknowledge me?

i don't sleep much these days. i don't mind. i'd rather think about you than face the nightmares. but sometimes i let the fatigue take over. you're always the last person i think of before i drift into unconsciousness.

i love you with all my heart, joshua william dun.