infatuated | joshler (boyxboy)

five

i haven't seen you since that day in the cafeteria.

i'm really worried. i hope you're alright. actually, i don't hope you're 'alright', i hope you're absolutely perfect, drinking a cocktail and having the best time right now.

i don't know why you were so upset but i would really like to know. i want to help you, make things better for you, make you happy again.

last night i didn't sleep. how can you sleep at a time like this? my brain keeps racing when i'm trying to sleep, worrying about you, if you're happy, if you're safe. i need to know that you are still alive.

this same memory keeps resurfacing every time i lie in bed. before you left, do you remember our tree house? the one in my backyard that we painted? we spent almost every day there, being idiots and wasting time. i honestly didn't remember that this happened.. but we almost kissed. i pulled away, because 'no homo'. i regret that moment still to this day. i think you thought the almost-kiss didn't mean anything. in my eyes, it proves that i do have a chance with you.

i'm going to confront you at school when you get back. it's going to be extremely hard for me, but that way i'll be able to talk to you and also show that i care. i hope you do know i care. you are my whole world. if you're sad, i'm sad.

i miss you. please come back soon. there is an empty place where you sit in class, but i feel that when you are not around, there is a piece of me missing. please be okay, josh.

i love you with all my heart, joshua william dun.