Circuits & Veins

Circuits & Veins- Chapter 3

        "I'm home..." I called out as I placed my hat on a nearby shelf and plopped down on my bed with a sigh. Ai was situated in his usual spot at his desk.

"You're late," he pointed out without turning away from his screen. I frowned at him.

"Well, yeah, but it's just because-"

"I am already aware of the reason." The blue-haired boy cut me off mid-sentence.

         "Based on what I have gathered from Natsuki's habits and personality, and your messy hair, which is likely attributed to standing outside in the wind for a long duration of time, it's natural to assume that  it took you a while to say your goodbyes. This is likely because of Natsuki's warm and motherly nature, which backs up my hypothesis. On top of that, you seem more flustered than usual. My observations have stated that you become flustered when someone tries to show you affection, which Natsuki would likely have done in that sort of situation. This only confirms my theory." I sighed, frustrated. He was spot on, but for some reason, his words really pissed me off.

        "Oi, would you just get off your high horse already!?" I snapped, crossing my arms. What was this guy's deal, anyway!? He thinks he knows everything! In a single swift movement, the boy turned his chair around to face me.

        "... 'Get off your high horse?' This is rather odd- I believe I have that expression in my database, but have never used it," Ai stated, deadpan. Database? What the hell was he blabbering about this time!?

"If I have been informed correctly, it means to rid oneself of their attitude of arrogance. If this definition is, indeed, without error, it seems like a rather peculiar thing to hear from someone with your personality." 'With my personality!?' What's that supposed to mean!? Before I had a chance to say anything more, he stood up and placed his hand on the door handle.

"I have things to attend to." And without another word, he was gone. I flopped down onto my bed angrily.

        "Damn! Why does he have to be so frustrating!?" I muttered to myself. Sorry, Natsuki. It's only been a couple of minutes and I've already failed at upholding your request. The thought was disappointing, and I sighed again in response. Maybe this is a good thing. Since I've already failed at fulfilling Natsuki's wish anyway, I might as well use the opportunity to finally say what's been on my mind for a long time. Rolling over on my side, I gazed out our doormroom window. There were a few dark clouds hovering ominously, but other than that, the sky was mostly clear. Maybe I should go run off my feelings. I decided that would be a good thing to do, so after fixing my hair and swapping out my pants for shorts, I filled up a water bottle and began making my way to the door. Unfortunately, I didn't get very far before I was stopped on my way out.

        "Syo-Kun? Hey, what's up!? I haven't seen you in a while!" I stopped where I was standing. It was the voice of my friend and fellow bandmate, Otoya Ittoki. Slowly, I turned around to greet him, forcing a smile.

         "...Otoya! Yeah, it's been a while!" I agree, as we give each other a high five.

"The upperclassman assigned to Natsuki and I is really brutal. He makes us stick to this ridiculous schedule, so I haven't been seeing the members of STARISH very much at all, lately..." I must have let a scowl sneak on to my face as I trailed off, because he gave me a concerned look.

   "...Is something wrong?" He asked kindly, looking me up and down. He probably knew about my habit of running off my feelings, and noticed how I was dressed. In all honesty, I haven't felt very good lately. Ai's schedule has been putting me under a lot of stress, and on top of that, I haven't been getting much sleep. "An idol must take care of himself." I knew that, but...

        "Nothing at all!" I declared, grinning widely and shaking my head.

"Did you hear about Natsuki!? That's seriously cool, huh!?" I pointed out, desperately grasping around for a subject change. He smiled softly.

   "That is great news..." So he said, but he didn't seem convinced that I'm alright.

   "Just remember that our upperclassman really are trying to do what they think is best for us, ok?" he said with a slightly wider smile. I wanted to disagree with him. I wanted to scoff and say "You're wrong!" and point out what a jerk Ai is. But instead, I kept silent and smiled.

"Right! Well, I'll see you later," I said with a wave as I made my way out the door. He waved back.

         "See you later!" He responded. As soon as I was out of the door, I took off running like a pet bird bolting out of it's cage's door at first chance.

        "Haa... haa..."  My breathing remained steady even though I was running as fast as I could.

        "Good,"  I thought.

        "That means I'm still in shape."  Once filled with this newfound confidence, I was no longer able to hold myself back. All of the anger and frustration, everything built up inside me since I had gained a third roommate, I channeled it all into my feet as I ran on the warm, hard pavement. The more I ran, the more feelings seemed to bubble up.

        "That jerk! There isn't a single good thing about him!"  I thought angrily as I ran with all my might. I think I may have passed by Tokiya at some point, but in the state I was in, he was no different than a tree or a rock. He wasn't Ai or Natsuki, and those were the only two people on my mind. My face glowed red from anger and exhaustion as small beads of sweat trickled down my cheek. Before I knew it, I had gone a fairly great distance, and my breathing was gradually becoming less steady. Panting even harder now, I collapsed on a nearby bench. Coughs escaped from my mouth between heavy pants and the water I was gulping down almost desperately. My hand flew instinctively to my chest as I clutched it in pain. It took me a great while to fully catch my breath- longer than it should have taken someone healthy. How fast had I been running? And for how long? Wiping my forehead and chugging the last of my water, I let out a long sigh.

        "I shouldn't... push myself like that," I whispered softly. Slowly, a feeling of helplessness washed over me. This fragile body I was cursed with was a terrible fit for all the passion in my spirit. They were incompatible, so much so that I couldn't even run off the feelings pent up inside me. I wasn't sure if this terrible pain in my chest was the feeling of helplessness, or the pain of forcing my weak heart into so much excitement. Probably both. Whatever the case was, it hurt- a lot. And to make matters worse, the dark clouds I had noticed earlier had begun to loom over me. Eventually, the sky was completely enveloped by them, and soft drops of rain began hitting my face. As  much as I hate to admit it, Ai was right. Sometimes, I felt awfully proud of myself. After all, the doctors had told me that with my heart problem, I wouldn't live past twelve years old, but here I was- a successful idol with many friends, singing and dancing every day. But at that point... stuck in the rain, scared to death to even get up and move back to my room with the fear that I might collapse at any time... all my pride had been swiftly stolen from me. And I absolutely hated it.

        "What are you doing out here?" My train of thought was suddenly interrupted by the sound of a monotone voice. I turned around, and sure enough, there he was- Ai Mikaze, standing as casually and nonchalantly as always. Our eyes locked soundly. I'm not sure what my eyes were full of at that point, exactly- it must have been a lot- but his were blank and frozen- absolutely unreadable. The sight of those eyes filled me with a sudden rage that wasn't entirely fair or justified. I realized at that point that whatever I had been feeling during that moment must have stemmed a lot deeper than I had first thought. Because suddenly I was filled with a tornado of emotions, and someone perfect to take them out on was standing right in front of me.

        "YOU!" I called out, standing up so fast that I nearly slipped on the wet ground.

        "This is all your  fault! It's your fault I'm in this mess! It's your fault that I feel this way!" No matter how I screamed, his face bore no reaction.

        "The recent distance between my friends and I, the condition my body is in, this... this awful pain inside my chest! It's all because of you!"