Past or Present

Chp 3; Old Habits

I honestly don't know where all that confidence came from last night. Maybe those self defense classes really worked. No one will ever hurt me the way he did ever again.

Today is Saturday and I go to the mall every Saturday. But I need someone to go with...

"Mommy! Can you come to the mall with me?" I shout from the top the stairs. Yes, I still call my mom mommy - sue me!

"Sorry honey! I'm starting work in an hour!" She shouts back.

Ugh. "Rick?!"

"Sorry toots. I gotta date with destiny." He winks at me.

Ugh.... again.

"Kanen?!" I shout once again.

No reply.

I turn around to head back to my room but, slam into what feels like a wall. But they catch me before I fall over the railing.
I look up to see a pair of eyes that are all too familiar. Nathan.

"So, I heard you need someone to accompany you to the mall?" He asks with hopeful eyes.

I step out of his grasp and say "Sorry Nathan, it's fine. I'd rather go alone."

"Come on! I'm not that bad. Am I?" He's trying to look into my eyes but I keep looking away.

"Yes." I state bluntly. But I soon cave in not wanting to be alone. "Fine! You can come but no funny business." I point a finger at him. "And I'm driving." I say giving him one last look before turning away.

"Whatever you say boss." He mumbles from behind me. I turn around to give him a playful glare, and he chuckles a little. He has a cute laugh....

Woah! What? A cute laugh? Your really losing it Mel.

•••

The ride to the mall was the most awkwardest thing I've ever been through. He kept trying to make conversation. Like:" So how've you been?" Like seriously dude? To say I was excited to get out of the car is an understatement I was ecstatic. As soon as I put the car in park I practically ran out of the parking lot into the mall.

My comfort zone.

When I shop I'm constantly talking to myself. But if I pick something out I need someone else's opinion wether if the price is worth of buying. He used to help me with that. Being with him was always so calming, but I guess I didn't know the half of it.

•••

I'm about to head into Victoria's Secret, when a hand on my wrist stops me. I'm just about to flip him over with his arm in hand, but realize who it is. Nathan, with an uneasy look on his face. He glances up at the store, I look back also, then turn to look at his facial expression.

He looks sick. Like about to throw up sick.

"Dude come on, don't tell me you've never came in here before. Like with a girlfriend or something.... Not that I'm your girlfriend but-" I start ranting, but he cuts me off.

"No, I actually haven't things like this make me uneasy. I don't want to have images of you in those panties the whole time." He finishes and I'm just staring at him blankly. It goes okay like this for awhile. Until he breaks the silence.

"What? Say something." He whispers harshly.

And I just continue looking at him. Because I am complete and utterly speechless on what he just said to me. I'm on the verge of slapping him, just for even voicing his thoughts. He has already seen me without any clothes on period. Is he seriously intending he'll get an erection out of just seeing panties?

"Okay, we're leaving let's go." I say. I take a step back and bump into Nathan. "I'm sorry." I mutter once I quickly turn around. His head is bowed and only centimeters away from mine.

I can't find myself to pull away from his touch. His intense gaze that he has on me. Seems to be sucking the breath out of me. His intoxicating sent, that's drowning me. His touch is so electrifying, but in a good way. A pleasurable way. I even find myself itching closer to his face each passing second. He doesn't seem to pull away, and it seems that I don't either, but me being the one who actually leans in for the kiss....

His reaction totally catches me off guard. He kisses me back twice as hard.

I don't even know what I'm doing, but his mint cologne smell is pulling me deeper into his arms. I wrap my arms around his neck wanting to get closer to him. Closing my eyes enjoying the moment. His arms sneak around my waist too, deepening the kiss. He licks my bottom lip asking for entrance. But that quickly pulls me out of my hazy state of mind, realizing where I went completely wrong.

No. No. No.

This isn't even my game! I play hard to get. Not an easy lay. I immediately snatch my arms from around his neck and escape his arms as if his touch had burned me.

The fact that the kiss was mind blowing completely threw me off.

I quickly turn around and exit the mall as fast as I can. Victoria Secret being way out of my mind now.

I can't think straight all I can think about is my last relationship. All the terrible flashbacks and memories, making me feel completely drained. My head is starting to feel light. I'm so close to my car yet so far away. Fiddling with my car keys just trying to get the key into the whole of my car door. Once I'm inside I feel as if I'm going to throw up. And I know what's coming next.... 

I let my heavy head hit the steering wheel. And I black out with the fading sound of my car horn.