Flying Higher

All my Love

  It was at first funny how everyone had someone to love. As a teen, I'd always thought relationships were purely status and it wasn't real love. Not even when my friends had somebody to love, I thought it was necessary. Suffering for love? I have better things to do.
But then I met you.
I firstly thought we couldn't even be friends. But we started to get to know each other and I guess we were friends. I don't know at what point friendship stopped being all I wanted. Only until then, I had realized that my reject to afection wasn't anything but a shield I had created. If love wasn't reaching me, I would go away from it. It wouldn't seem that nobody liked me but that I liked no one. This perhaps made me hateful to people, but I rathered to be hateful than hated. But when you were in front of me, this shield wasn't useful anymore. I realized how much affection I needed, and questioned myself why did I reject the one I could have gotten earlier. You were the proof I wasn't cold, the proof that I am weak, the proof I do need someone to walk along this life.

But I couldn't be your partner. Simply we weren't meant to be together. This was merely the first time I had experienced love; maybe you never realized. I don't blame you. We are not meant to be together. This is the only truth.

You made me discover love, but now I wonder what may I do with it.

I am sure there is no one like you. With this love I felt for you I drown. I cannot give it to you... I cannot give it to nobody. The only love I have is the one I have for you and it is torturing me. No one gave it to me before... why should they do it after? Nobody believes that I may be loved. They say it so I won't feel bad. But let's face it: who would love someone like me? With so many flaws?

I only feel loved when I am needed. Then, I am alone again. I don't want to be a beggar of love, to sell myself to obtain a little piece of aproval. I know I may seem carless, harsh and even mean. But deep inside I need affection, an affection that cannot be given by my friends of family. My friends like me; my family hasn't got another choice but to accept me. When you gave me your attention and approval, I got a taste of glory. But now that you don't even speak to me, I have fallen into the purgatory of negligence. It seems I have to make you to need me so you can love me. Either way... there's nothing else I can give.

Who will love me is not my question right now. I guess I have already the answer. Who will I love is my question. You? I don't know. I guess I will slightly do that forever. I love everyone, even when I may act like if I hated everyone. I give my all to everyone as I did to you. And as you did to me, everyone gave me nothing at all. Maybe my love is one of those few unfortunate that have the burden to love humanity. All my love is for all. I can sacrifce, I can give myself. I can help, not expecting a reward.

But indeed, let's face it: I can love anyone, but anyone cannot love me.