Scars Not Often Seen

Hollywood Love Story

Can you see me still? Can you hear me? Are you happy now? Are you glad you got rid of me?

Of course you are happier without me I mean why wouldn't you be? With that long legged, blonde haired, big breasted lady after you who does what ever you please. Not like me 'Plain Elaine' is what they call me, you can see why with my common looks you know what I mean another girl of average height, with straight black hair and pale skin. To be honest I don't know how it happened in the first place.

You seemed so nice .... So interested in lil miss plain, I couldn't figure out why.... I didn't want to figure out why; you eventually called me your girlfriend I must admit that was the happiest day of my life.

I should have seen the signs even some of your friends told me but... I was so happy I didn't want to believe them. Everything was going so well. What happened? What changed? Was it me? Did I do something wrong? Your friend Tom keeps saying it isn't my fault but he was the one that introduced us. So I guess he feels he should apologize and take the blame but it isn't him it's me.

I remember the day before you dumped me, we were so happy. You danced with me and I got pushed up against the wall....I.... I didn't feel comfortable; you came closer to me so our bodies were touching and ...you...w....went to kiss me. But I wasn't ready...Jay saw what happened and took me away.

I am crying with my make up dripping on the page. Funny it's raining if my mum was with me she would say the angels were crying with me.

Where was I? Oh right I remember Jay had just calmed me down, and then you came in and... said I was ... dumped for being frigid. You started to pretend I didn't exist. The entire name calling got worse.

After only a day you had a new girlfriend, I felt like I died inside. Jay looked disgusted at me. So when I got home that night I ran to my bedroom and barricaded the door the white walls with splashes of red paint...where I had gotten carried away with my artwork. I am looking at my arms covered in red paint... or is it blood...I hope its paint. The pain in my arms gets so strong that I collapse to the ground.

I see a figure come through my window...my vision is starting to fail me...I have gone blind! I am so cold. I can't stop shaking... it feels like ...the end. My life flashes before my eyes...the trauma...the pain it is all too intense to take.

My body warms up. I hear... machines and beeping noises. My brother must be home. Him and his stupid sci-fi films... I shout "turn that rubbish off". The horror on my face when I open my eyes is too difficult to describe in words. I am attached to machines by tubes it looks like I am in a Geiger drawing or a horror film. The glistening, tables and chairs. I saw my letter to you and ask for a pen or pencil but they won't hand me one. So Jay offers to write for me.

They say that I will have to be home schooled because they can't trust me with you around.

Jay is re-reading what I have written and what I have asked him to put on the paper. A tear falls down his face; he says it is just the wind. But the window isn't open. His tears are making the ink run.

He asks why I did it. I replied by saying it was paint I didn't do anything I swear. Why am I even in here? He turns away and stays quiet. This silence is killing me.

I persuade them to let me go back to school; I wear bands round my wrists to show I have been in hospital. They won't come of, so I try to hide them under my jumper but they keep sneaking out.

You've just come up to me and you asked me out again saying, who ever would try and kill themselves for you is not frigid and you forgive me and go in for a hug.

I quickly look at myself and see Jay. I push you away saying you have nothing to forgive, and a whole speech of how I felt and finished with how I need to thank you.

I run to Jay and kiss him there and then. Saying sorry for how long it took me to see and thank him for waiting.

We walk away hand-in-hand. You are just standing there thinking how you got rejected by 'Plain Elaine'.

I have torn up the letter to you and chucked it in a nearby bin.

I have finally left my shadow, I turn around and it waves good bye. A translucent tear falls down its pain stricken face.

I look at my wrists the cuts and scars have left with my shadow.

I am free.

At last.

Free.