CarlxEnid - You're Afraid Of Me Too

"I'm sorry, Carl"

Carl's P.O.V
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Two months

Two long months that felt more like two years

Two months of waking up every morning only
wanting to drift back to a dreamless sleep instead of departing on an adventure that awaited me that day.

Two months of finding myself staring through my window, searching to catch a glimpse of the dark-haired girl as she stealthily made her way over Alexandria's wall.

But she never did.
Not for a whole two months.

I sat beside Judith's chipped, white crib as I mindlessly messed around with her milk bottle, turning the plastic bottle upside down every few seconds.

My dad instructed me to feed her right after she wakes up from her afternoon nap, due to the fact that she'd get fussy when not given her bottle right away.

As I sat and waited for my younger sister to wake up from her slumber, my mind traveled to the past.
Two months ago to be exact.

"C-Carl."

Enid's voice rang out through my head as I relived the memory I remembered so clearly.

I remembered exactly how I felt after pulling away from the kiss.

A small smile crept on my face as the blood rushed to my cheeks, turning them bright red.

I remembered the sparks I felt and how the nervousness was quickly replaced with a rush of happiness.

And unfortunately, I remembered how all of that disappeared right after I realized that Enid didn't feel the same.

As my smile faded and the red in my cheeks altered into a pale white shade, I realized how she refused to meet her beautiful green eyes with my blue ones.

I realized how tense she was when our lips touched.

And finally, I realized how I made a huge mistake and that I didn't have the power to rewind and choose not to kiss her.

I'm an idiot
I remembered saying to myself.

She didn't want this, she didn't want me.
How stupid was I to think that kissing her would change that?

I stood there frozen and completely speechless as regret replaced the happiness I felt.

I glanced over at Enid to find her staring at the ground with her lips slightly parted and tears starting to drip down her cheek.

"Enid, d-don't cry, I--"

"I'm sorry, Carl." she told me in a fragile voice as she stepped out of the hollow tree.

That was the last time I ever heard her voice.

From that moment on, something changed in me.

Comic books were left unread and crumpled up.

I misplaced my sheriff hat.
I knew it was somewhere in the house but I still haven't found the energy to search for it.

Whenever Ron and Mikey caught me on a stroll with Judith, they'd kindly invite me over to play video games or to simply hang out.

I'd just apologize and say no.

I couldn't even look at Ron, knowing how I betrayed him for having feelings for his girlfriend and kissing her.

Eventually, they stopped their attempts at trying to get me to hang out when they realized I clearly didn't want to be friends with them no longer.

Now whenever I ran into them in the community, they'd either give me an awkward wave and "Hey Carl" or simply say nothing.

My group surely noticed how I rarely left the house and how my smile wasn't as big as it was before.

Michonne always made time to check up on me whenever she wasn't busy.

"How you doin, kid?" she'd ask every time she came over.

"I'm okay." I always replied.

I began to stay away from Glenn and Maggie to avoid questions as to why Enid and I never hang out anymore.
I'd always debate whether or not to ask them how she was doing but I always ended up choosing not to.

I rarely spent time with my dad anymore.

He was a busy man and I didn't want to add more onto his plate with my stupid teenager troubles.

Besides, he wouldn't care.

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I'd see Enid every now and then around the community.

One day I saw her organizing food in the pantry.
Another day I saw her and Glenn playing chess on their porch.

I missed her, I truly did.

I missed the way she'd smile even though in this world, there wasn't much to smile about anymore

I missed recklessly climbing over Alexandria's wall and I missed her laugh when we ran through the forest.

Living in this world was hell but being with her was the closest thing to heaven.

I screwed that all up with one little kiss.

Talk to her
Said a voice in my head whenever I saw her

She hates you
Said a different voice

I always ended up listening to the second voice.
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