The Warmth In The Hands Of A Heartless {Lynn Gunn}

Chapter 12

The car ride was full of prep, from everyone except me. I wasn't excited, yet I was curious. I kept reminding myself why I was doing all of this, I just wanted to make justice and, most of all, give a sense to my existence again. Because what's existence without a purpose? Without feelings, emotion? It's just so empty, even boring and monotone.

Beside me, Alison was singing happily along some pop song by Avril Lavigne, I think. She was trying to drag me into singing with her, by nudging me and throwing her arms around my shoulders to move me, but it was vain. I wasn't interested in singing, it was like talking but with a melody instead of a simple speaking tone. Weird, I used to like singing, before the experiment.

Cassadee was singing too, but she was driving, and wasn't dancing embarrassingly like Alison. Pat was humming to the beat, with arms crossed and a smirk on his face, in the passenger seat. Patty was grinning like a fool, singing along and air guitaring.

"Oh, pull in here!" Alison cooed, abruptly interrupting the verse she was singing.

We parked the car in front of a beach, near a kiosk, and Alison rushed out of the car immediately dragging me with her. The beach was quite empty, quiet, and the sea wasn't too rough. The sky was clear yet the sun wasn't shining that much, in fact the sand was soft and chill instead of smoking hot as in most mornings. Wow, it's been such a long time since I've last been on a beach and breathed the ocean air.

"Ah, beautiful." Alison stared out in awe, with an amused smile.

"It is." I shrugged. It was a pretty view, but nothing incredible to be honest. I mean, it was just sea and sky. But the foreign smell of the ocean was nice to acquire again, after all this time. And hearing the waves mutate, gather up and come together to fall apart, was relaxing. I always loved the sound of the waves moving and crashing in.

"We brought the ball for beach volley." Patty informed with a grin.

"Awesome! Go get it!" Cassadee requested happily, making her way towards us.

It wasn't long until we all were engaged in a cohesive match of beach volley. Everyone was jumping to catch the ball, gliding, running. The best at the game were probably Patty and Alison. But they collided several times to get the ball.

I was maybe too detached from the rest of the group, who was laughing their asses off while playing, but it wasn't my fault. I couldn't do anything. Even when Cassadee tripped on the ball, or when Pat hit Patty in the head, I couldn't bring myself to laugh properly. I would laugh a little, but then again, laughing wasn't consequence of happiness. It's consequence of amusement, which wouldn't let me laugh too much. I guess it was just an evolution of the smile or something. Does that even make sense? Whatever. I was having a hard time trying to laugh and not seem like a bitch, but I was actually quite enjoying myself.

When we were done playing on the beach and then in the water, swimming and being childish, we laid wet on some beach towels. The boys were still in the water while us girls talked about random nothings. Until an interesting statement came up.

"Lynn, you seem to never be fully happy, y'know? You hardly smile... Why is that?" Cassadee asked, a little bluntly. Alison shot her a look and she raised her arms in surrender, then put them down and looked at me.

"Sorry, didn't want it to sound harsh."

"it's no worry." I shrugged. "I just don't exactly get happiness." Not anymore at least...

"What do you mean?" She questioned, frowning. Alison stayed quiet, but looked confused too.

"I mean... I may sound like a cold bitch, but feelings don't get to me." I explained slowly, trying not to go into details. Maybe they'll just drop it.