I've met a girl.
It's been seven years since Paige left, and that's how long it's taken me to even consider dating someone else. To be honest, the only reason why I'm considering this, why this girl has caught my eye, is because she resembles Paige somehow. Maybe it's the frizzy hair, or that big smile, maybe the sweet brown eyes. Because when I saw this girl for the first time, for a moment, I thought my Paige was back. It was the only reason why I approached her, but after a closer look I realised they were different.
Her eyes weren't as warm or vivid as Paige's, hers were a dull brown while Paige's were so sweet and cute.
Her smile isn't as bubbly, nor is her laughter.
Her voice is a bit higher, not as soothing as Paige's.
Her hair is a shade lighter and not as curly.
She might look like my Paige, but she isn't. Yet she's nice, she's very talented and seems to have a pure heart. She says she's a fan of my work and she's very happy that I talked to her. We've worked together for seven months but I never noticed her before until I saw her one day just smiling at the raining clouds, letting the drops caress her face. Only then I noticed her, because Paige used to do that as the rain was the closest she got to a touch.
Her name is Claire, she's an editor at the company I work for. She's one year younger than me. She's lived her whole life in London.
It's been hard for me to think of even liking someone else, I don't really think I can, but I might try. Claire seems like a nice girl, compassionate and kind. She tries to help as much as she can, even when she doesn't have to. She is honest and straightforward, which is nice. She doesn't get involved in rumours.
Sometimes, when I talk to her, I kind of expect her to make some witty comment, some remark to make fun of herself or anyone else, like Paige used to do, but she doesn't have the same sense of humour.
I don't think that I'll be betraying Paige if I actually date Claire, because the real person I belong to is my ghost girl, yet that doesn't mean I have to live alone my whole life. I know Paige wouldn't want that. She'd like me to even have a family and such, but that's too much.
I don't know if I'll really end up dating Claire, but I won't try to stop my feelings if these are born. I think I should at least give it a chance and see if it works out, if not, at least I tried. After all, Claire is nice and we do get along.
However, and even if it sounds cliché, this is a love triangle. The other point being a girl who isn't here anymore, a girl who only lives in my memory and rules my heart. No matter how great Claire is, she will never win against Paige and that makes me think twice about this. It's not fair for Claire when I won't be able to give her my heart. Going after something when you're not giving you all doesn't seem right, but then that means not even knowing if it works out or not.
It's confusing, complicated and delicate. I don't want to hurt Claire at the end, but I can't really let go of Paige. I'm not saying I haven't moved on, I think I have, sort of. You can't really move on when your significant other has passed away, because it isn't really a breakup, it's not because it didn't work, it isn't because the feelings died out... it's because life got in the way. But at the same time, your own life doesn't stop because the other person's did. You still have to carry on, and I promised Paige I would. Dating someone else is part of that. Yet... is it okay to date someone when a big part of your heart is already someone else's?
As I get ready for the date we have tonight, I can't stop pondering these things. Whether I'm doing the right thing or not, whether I should stop before someone gets hurt. It's not written in stone that in order to live you need to date, that's just a preconceived idea society has forced onto us. Yet... it gets lonesome.
"What should I do, Paige?" I ask to the picture I have framed on my desk, that picture of the two of us we took at her house and that I kept with me in secret "Should I call Claire and tell her I'm not feeling well?"
The picture doesn't reply, of course, my Paige can't communicate with me. A deep sigh escapes my lips as I close my eyes, trying to sort out my own thoughts.
"You know you're the real girl I love, right?" I murmur. She knows, better than I, that she's the one, but still, I need to say it out loud. "I'm just giving this a chance. I'm just... seeing where it takes me. I'm sure you're still happy for me."
With that said, I grab my denim jacket, similar to the one Paige wore, and I leave the flat after saying goodbye to Clyde. I hope this will be okay, I hope I wont regret what I'm doing and I hope no one ends up hurt.
Wherever Paige is, she's watching over me, cheering for me and wishing I find more happiness in this world as we wait to be together again. I'm just living my life, right? This is okay. And it'll continue to be okay.
⋙⋘
So you see? James does meet someone else, and we will see if it works or not. So look forward that.
Dedication Eli_ReeNe
Bel, xx
~updates every Monday~
YOU ARE READING
Absent
Teen Fiction[mini-sequel to UNSEEN] One girl came and changed James’ life, broke the walls and everything he had built around to protect himself from both people and ghosts. But now she’s gone and he has to keep on living. Step by step, from the most painful o...
