Absent

-4-

Not because you try it means things have to work out. But the good thing about trying is that you won't torment yourself with a 'what if I had actually given it a chance?'

Claire and I dated for almost a year until she realised it wasn't working anymore.

"I can't compete with the girl from your past because she's still in your heart, and I have enough pride to know when you step aside," she said to me the day we broke up.

It was clean, no one cried. I think she didn't really loved me, either. We were together because we got on, we understood each other, we worked well together and we were lonely. But after a year we realised we could still be like that just as friends.

"I know you still love her and I wish there was a way you could get her back, but I can't fill in her place. It's better if we stay just friends." Her smile was honest and kind. "To be honest, I want to find a man who'll love me so unconditionally like you still love her."

I never told her the complete truth behind Paige. Claire only knew I had a girlfriend during college whom I loved with all my soul, but she died before we could even fulfil our plans. I told her the truth behind Paige's death, though, or part of the truth. That she killed herself, although that is not how I phrased it.

"Depression killed her," I said to Claire back then when we were still trying to get to know each other and when she started noticing I wasn't as committed as her to make the relationship work. "Depression made her do what she wouldn't have done otherwise."

Sometimes I think like that, and I get so angry, because it feels more like a murder than a suicide. I know that if she hadn't taken her life then we would've never met, but I would rather she lived a fulfilling life instead of what she had, even if that means we had never crossed paths.

I guess that's just another proof it's true love what's between us, because I can sacrifice anything for her. I gave up on my heart just to make sure she was safe. I let her go because that was what she needed. Isn't that the biggest proof of love?

So no, starting another relationship didn't work, however I did made a friend out of it, and that suits us better. We keep working together and hanging out because we're used to each other so it's effortless. She knows I lack social skills but that's fine with her, she doesn't ask much of me.

Aside from that, I also have my whole double life, helping ghosts and such. It's like the thing I haven't shared with Claire, something I wouldn't know how to explain it to her, or anyone else.

There's a particular ghost that reminds me of Paige because he doesn't have a clue what his unfinished business might be. George, this ghost, at least remembers how long ago he died, although not how.

He's a nice bloke and it's actually cool to hang out with him, he's also bubbly and fun like Paige, but not quite. He says he's in no rush to learn his lesson because he's having a blast as a ghost. He messes with people, goes to places without a invitation, enjoys concerts and movies without paying and stalks his celebrity crushes without no one minding.

He's a creep, honestly, but he seems to have fun.

Maybe, just like Paige, as he carries on like this he'll learn his lesson and naturally move on.

So that's what my life has become. I do have friends, or at least a human and a ghost friend. I have my job and I'm about to get one of my graphic novels published, and I just carry on.

I've realised over the years that living fully doesn't exactly mean doing crazy and exciting things only. Living fully means doing what you want and what makes you comfortable, trying things you want to try when you have the chance and aiming for no regrets, even if it's over what kind of ice cream flavour you're having.

I'm just having a normal life, considering the fact I see and help ghosts, and I think that's me keeping my promise to Paige. Maybe I won't have many crazy stories to tell her, but I'll be able to say "I did what I wanted. I was happy with the life I had, even if I missed you every second of it."

I'm not collecting regrets, I'm collecting good memories and happy moments, and in my book, that's living my life to the fullest.

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I think this story ends on the next chapter. I told you it was a mini sequel to cover those questions that couldn't be answered during Unseen due to POV. Anyhow, look forward that and to my new projects coming after this: "Haunted" (which is paranormal) and "Blanca Like Snow" which is a retelling of Snow White. Both have been posted already so you can add them to your libraries.

Dedication to HerondaleLuna

Bel, xx

~updates every Monday~