A s l e e p

sitting on a throne of bones

It's been a week. The house has all the furniture we need now, but I'm sure my mother will find some weird antique couch somewhere. But I'm sure it'll be beautiful, even if the couch she finds doesn't match anything else. Dad went out to paint the fence white today, he got mad, so he bought a whole bunch of spray paint and spray painted the whole thing white. Our whole front lawn smells like the basement of a worn down, drugged up highschool now. The neighbours probably think that I huff paint. Thanks, dad.

More leaves have been falling off the tree in the yard. They're still green. Well, most of them are green. Sometimes my dad would get mad at the spray can and start spraying it everywhere, including the poor tree. It kind of looks like a whole bunch of squirrels had some sort of.. erm, squirrel orgy in the tree and made a mess.

I've found my favourite place in the house. Surprisingly, it isn't dark nor in the basement. We have an open window space with no curtains, and my mom bought some magenta, beaded cushions for it. They don't really match the house, but they're beautiful anyways. The window doesn't have cool air sliding in from the small cracks, it stays warm. Sometimes when it's foggy, I'll write messages or draw on the windows.

My favourite thing to look at when I look out the window is our tree. It's old, the wood looks burnt, but the leaves are bright. The green stands out against everything, making the house really stand out.

Generally, everything is silent. Nobody drives past our house and since Mikey had been burnt, we never really talked much. My mom spent most of her time out, buying hair supplies. My dad was working on something in the house or around it, but he was pretty quiet about it.

I normally stayed inside all day, staring out the window drinking coffee, or sketching and drink coffee. I really enjoy coffee. Especially the way it looks in a white cup. The steam radiates off of it and evaporates into the air, the way the thick smell fills the room. It's quite magical, if you ask me. Oh god, the flavour. Even if it's just instant coffee, it tingles on your tastebuds and dances around in your mouth. It's like dead coffee beans having an afterlife party in my mouth. I hope Mikey's having a good afterlife party. I hope it's better than coffee.

My mother wants to plant some vegetables in our backyard in the spring, she really wants to. I think it'd be beautiful. I don't know how well it'd go, though. My mother's nails are too long to do anything with. She'd probably end up stuck because her nail got stuck in the dirt and she can't get it out because she refuses to cut her damn nails.

I heard the front door open and shut, and my mothers heels click gently against the hardwood floor. My mother was probably going to wreck the beautiful flooring, and probably her feet too with those damn heels she wears everywhere. I walked out into the kitchen, I didn't want to be rude and ignore my mother.

"Hey mom." I slid my chilly hands into my denim pockets, hoping my hands would warm up.

"Hey, baby." My mom responded, with a large smile plastered on her makeup covered face. "Guess what I got you?"

I raised my eyebrows slightly, tilting my head.

"What'd you get?" I asked, gently scratching at the back of my head.

My mom then proceeded to take out a box of bleach for my hair, to go along with the red hair dye I had bought earlier this week. My mom told me that she would dye my hair today, she understood that I wanted a fresh start. My dad was kind of confused to why I needed such a major change, but my mother explained it pretty well to him.

My parents were accepting. I had come out as Pansexual a couple years ago, when I was fourteen. Mikey thought that I was sexually attracted to things in our kitchen and never let me touch anything because he thought I was going to do something bad to it. At one point he burnt himself making KD because he wouldn't let me touch the pot or wooden spoon. Maybe Mikey should have been the one not touching the kitchen utensils and pans. I had to explain to him eventually, what Pansexual meant. My parents were pretty mad that I hadn't explained it to him, when I told him. They did find it funny, that Mikey thought that I liked to have sex with pots.

"Fuck-ow OW Mikey fucking STOP" Gerard groaned, trying to get away from his smaller brother furiously hitting him in the back with a frying pan.

"Naughty Gerard!" Mikey exclaimed, continuing to hit his greasy black haired brother with the pan.

"Mikey, what the hell are you doing to your brother?" Donna asked, walking in and gently rubbing at her temples.

"MOMMA GERARD DOES NAUGHTY THINGS TO THESE PANS!" Mikey yelled, waving the pan furiously, making Gerard duck and cover his head.

"Yeah and the handle you're holding went straight up my-" Gerard mumbled but was cut off by his shocked mother.

"GERARD." Donna exclaimed, looking at her son in shock.

Suddenly, the boys and their mother heard distant cussing from the living room. Don was building IKEA furniture, again.

"This house is a fucking mess." Donna groaned and left the room, leaving Mikey to start hitting Gerard with the pan again.

Later that night, my mom dyed my hair. She kept getting mad at me for having such long hair and told me to cut it plenty of times, but I promised her it would look good with the red. Once she left me to rinse, I made my way to the pink tiled washroom in my room. She didn't want me to stain the white bathtub upstairs, and the tiles down here were already pink so the stains couldn't be that bad. I've never dyed my hair before, so I was pretty messy. My neck had a lot of red around my jaw. Mikey would have found that funny. It actually looked pretty cool.

Once I had rinsed and dried my hair, i went back upstairs. I gently tapped on the light wooden door that separated the kitchen from the other rooms in the house and my mother turned around instantly. She gasped really loudly, which was shocking. She generally doesn't gasp like that. I've only heard her dramatically gasp once and that's when Rose let go of Jack or whatever his name is, in Titanic. Mikey started crying. I just groaned and left the room, because really, I didn't give a shit.

"Oh, baby." I was again snapped out of my daydream by my lovely mother. "You look so beautiful."

She hugged her chest, smiling kindly. One of those proud mom smiles, when she realizes that's she's actually raised you somewhat decently.

This caused me to smile. Which is something I haven't done in a while. I haven't really found much to smile about. Mikey used to make me smile a lot, mainly because he was really dumb sometimes. He always fell down the stairs and broke his glasses or when he wore yellow and sat down he looked like a human banana. He was a pretty funny guy, I hope he's making people laugh, wherever he is. I hope he's in heaven. He's too nice to go to hell. If they even exist, really. I hope they do, just so that Mikey can be surrounded by a whole bunch of angels and can fly. That'd be so fucking cool.

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if u guess correctly where the title of the chapter is from i will love u forever

-xoShan 💖