I Won't Give Up

Chapter Twenty Six: Jealous Hearts

Nickiah

I hate this; I feel so bad right now. Seeing Abel hurt like this is something that hurts my heart. I rubbed his back because I kept crying too.

Abel walked away from me though

"where are you going??"

"to feel better" he said walking up to the bedroom

I knew he was going to get drugs. That hurt me even more, damn why does this always happen? I wish Abel would just come and talk to me when he feels bad, not resort to getting high, it's destroying him.

I was crying holding my stomach as he walked downstairs sniffing on his finger. He just snorted coke off of his hand. He also had a blunt in his hand.

"baby, why don't you talk to me?" I said crying

"we can't talk about this Nicki, its already done, what more can we fucking do??" his eyes were red

I began crying more, he was right, I just hated when he ran to drugs as a cover.

One Week Later

AJ's back home with us but we've been walking around like the end of the world is near. It's not healthy for AJ and it's not healthy for the baby in my stomach. I had to stop this. I'm a child of God, if anything, I know that he'll make this better, seriously, where is my shield of faith?

I can tell Abel's been binging on drugs more so than ever. I've been finding him laid out on the bathroom floor in the middle of the night from drinking lean at 2am. I've been finding him strung out on coke in the bedroom in the morning when I get back from taking AJ to school. He's been throwing pills back like their skittles. I can tell he's depressed.

I walked in on him while he was strung out on cocaine one morning. His eyes were wide as fuck and he was looking around all alert with this serious ass look on his face.

"baby, we have to talk about this"

"what?? What's there to talk about girl" damn when he's high on coke he talks fast

"no daddie, this isn't healthy, AJ's been worrying about you. He wonders why your eyes are always red or you're always full of energy, I can't tell our five year old that daddy is high just go play, that's something that'll stick with him"

"I'm sorry baby, I'm down right now"

"we can talk about this baby, we can't keep going around depressed it'll hurt AJ and this baby forming in my stomach. God will help us"

"don't tell me about this 'God will help us' shit Nicki" he snapped

I jumped in reaction "what??"

"if he really was helping why the fuck would the baby in your stomach be another niggas? Why isn't he helping me feel better now? Where the fuck was he when you did all that fucking praying? Was he fucking sleep?" he's talking out of anger now

"my prayers weren't in vain Abel, he's allowing you to breathe right now right? he allowed us to have a son for five years and not once has he been sick or have to be in the hospital, those are blessings, all the drugs you've been doing lately you're still eating, you're still healthy, you're still breathing. Those are blessings. God says my word will never return void but accomplish what it's been sent out for. Just because you aren't this baby's biological father doesn't mean you aren't the baby's father period. What did I tell you even before we knew the test results?? You're this baby's father regardless."

"it hurts under the circumstances though"

"yeah it does Abel but we can't spend the rest of our lives mourning when we have to brush our shoulders off and raise our son and take care of this baby"