Star Wars Jokes

Meeting the Other Fandom (HP vs SW)

3/28, 5:31 P.M
Location: blocked to all muggles

The two Dark Lords, Darth Vader and Lord Voldermort, have met in a location that is currently being researched and tested.

Voldemort: Ah, I cannot wait to destroy another. Do you feel the same?

Darth Vader: Are you kidding me? You wouldn't believe how satisfying this is!

Voldemort: I know. But we must be patient; perhaps then we will not have to pay the price.

Darth Vader: But Tom--

Voldemort: VOLDEMORT! Don't call me... Tom...

Darth Vader: Fine! Moldy Voldy, whatever. I just don't think I can take it any longer!

Voldemort: PATIENCE! Or else, I shall dissected your soul!

Darth Vader: But I can already taste the victory...

Voldemort: Don't make me pull out my wand, Ani. I don't want to destroy you, but I'll do what it takes.

Darth Vader: Tom! You wouldn't! Not in the middle of Starbucks! You wouldn't dare!

Voldemort: Oh, I would, alright! If it means I get a mocha for half price during happy hour...

Darth Vader: You know they're ripping you off, Tom. Paying with your soul is no better than paying with your arms or legs. Seriously, when they use a saw to cut off your body parts, it doesn't actually hurt that badly. At least you can wear a cool suit, like me. You should try it!

Voldemort: Fine! But only for the suit, Ani. Only for the suit.

Voldemort and Darth Vader walk over to the counter to order their drinks.

Starbucks Employee: Welcome to Starbucks, official sponsors of the Death Star. Is there anything I can do for you today?

Voldemort: Could I have a small mocha, please?

Starbucks Employee: Would you like a suit or a cloak with that?

Voldemort: There's a cloak option? Since when?

Starbucks Employee: For a while, now.

Voldemort: I'll have a cloak, then.

Starbucks Employee: And what will your payment be? Soul or body part?

Darth Vader turns to Voldemort to confide in him.

Darth Vader: Tom, get your nose chopped off.

Voldemort: My nose? What's wrong with my nose?

Voldemort touches his nose self-consciously.

Darth Vader: Have you seen that thing? Seriously, stop torturing the rest of us and say goodbye to it. It'll do you good. Do it, Tom.

Voldemort rolls his eyes and turns back to the Starbucks employee.

Voldemort: I'll pay with my nose, muggle.

Starbucks Employee: Excellent choice. Come with me, please.

Voldemort follows the Starbucks clerk into a room behind the counter. Darth Vader listens for Voldemort's reactions. Screams are heard in the distance. Darth Vader sighs.

Darth Vader: Ah, the good ol' days...

Bells chime when someone comes into the cafe.

Darth Vader: Luke! You want to have a coffee with me?

Luke goes up to the Starbucks employee.

Luke Skywalker: One medium coffee, please. No cloak or suit, and you can take my arm. Thanks! Oh yeah, and make sure--

Luke is cut off by the door bells chiming once again. Everyone in the room turns to glare at the new customer.

Starbucks Employee: Not you again! Listen, we have nothing left to take from you! Your service from us is over.

Darth Sidious: Please! I'd die for another one of those latte's!

Suddenly, the room goes quiet, and Darth Sidious collapses to the floor. Luke is the first one to break the silence.

Luke Skywalker: Since he's already dead, let's just let everybody think that I killed him...

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~Twinys