Owned by the Devil

Chapter Four

Sa tagal ng buhay ni Kieth sa mundong ito, wala pa naman siyang nakilala na ayaw ng kapayapaan sa mga buhay nila. Heck, hindi ba world peace nga ang pinaglalaban ng lahat? That was besides his point though dahil hindi naman world peace ang hiling niya, more on sa personal world peace lang niya. Anyone can diss him for being selfish, but he perfectly knows what he wants—he was never called a selfish person though, but someone did call him 'weird' for his excessive need for serenity in his life.

It was during his high school years when someone pointed out how amazing he blends in with people. Kung normal na araw lang iyon, wala siyang pake sa kung ano mang opinyon ang marinig niya. Pero sa lahat ng taong pwede niyang maringgan ng opinion, it really had to be their school guidance counselor... who was a psychologist by license.

He considers himself a smart kid, a bit conceited to say it out loud, but during those years, he was aware that he understood more than anyone his age. Hindi naman siya genius, more on mataas lang talaga ang self-awareness niya. So, when he heard about what their guidance counselor was saying about him 'blending in', he immediately caught the tone that it was not exactly a simple compliment.

Hindi siya friendly at lalong hindi siya isang sa social person. To protect his peace and to keep his peace, he learned that it was only possible if he stuck to his own people. Meaning to say, wala siyang ganang makipagkaibigan sa iba. Ayun ay maliban na lang sa maliit na circle na meron siya sa mga pinsan niya, at sa mga iilan nitong mga kaibigan.

Ang marinig na magaling siyang mag-blend in ay hindi isang compliment dahil alam niyang hindi normal sa kagaya niyang high schooler noon ang "mag-blend in" lang. What was normal was students being in the moment, having to mentally and physically be involved, and actually being a part of something... but 'just' blending in? No, it was never the norm.

He mastered the imposter act and he did not like that someone noticed it. So, anong ginawa niya? He upped his skills so no one ever had to tell him otherwise.

Was this normal behavior? Again, his self-awareness was perfect in telling him that something was indeed... not so normal about him.

Kung napapansin man iyon ng mga pinsan niya, wala naman ang kahit sinong nag-point out sa kanila. He highly doubts too that anyone in their family would be talking about it in a way that would cause him harm. Kung meron mang usapang nangyayari, iyon ang mga pustahang ginagawa ng mga ito kung paano ang magiging pakikisalamuha niya sa ibang tao. Lalo na kung pupunta sila sa mga matataong lugar. They don't even do it behind his back anymore. Harap-harapang nagbabayaran ang mga ito kahit na nga nandyan pa siya.

It was never a problem to him at all, nor did he found anything wrong with it. Kung saan at kung ano ang ikasasaya ng mga siraulo niyang pinsan.

College na siya nang mag-give in siyang magpatingin sa isang licensed therapist. AD—one of the few friends he actually made for himself—recommended the said shrink with a very high rating. Kung siya ang tatanungin, hindi naman sana nagma-matter kung magaling o hindi ang makakausap niya, but he was still thankful that he went to whoever AD said.

He had one condition upon their first session and that was for his shrink to never tell him about his actual diagnosis. It was the weirdest shit they probably heard him say, but he was keen on simply hearing what was happening inside his head in a more professional way. Binatukan siya ni AD nang malamang ginawa niya iyon, but it was already a done deal.

Ang unang pinaliwanag sa kanya ay malawak ang spectrum ng kondisyon niya at iba-iba ang manifestation nito sa bawat pasyente. His constant need for peace was manifesting as a general avoidance to things. Hindi naman masamang bagay iyon, dagdag ng shrink niya, dahil ang avoidance na ginagawa niya ay literal na para lang sa makabubuti sa kanya. It would not bother or hurt anyone at all because that defeats the purpose of doing it for his peace.