That Broken Boy |♔| Kian Lawley

[11]

Inside my spacious bubble, no one can come near me with their eyes that are the guns that shoot bullets and their mouths are the triggers that kill you, but when your whole entire life is on the internet—where anyone can say anything at all, thinking they wouldn't hurt a living soul—their fingers become the guns that type the words that make you feel so insecure and the enter key becomes the last chance you could possibly have to change the outcome that pulling the metaphorical trigger would create.

Nothing you say can be taken back from your mouth or can be untyped from your computer, the second you send that tweet or update your status, anyone in the world can see it. Sorry will not fix the insecurities you have caused, nor will apologizing fix the person you broke. Hurtful words are shared everyday, some people throw them around like they're compliments, when they are the polar opposite.

Vamp Girl:
Is it just me, or does he seem a bit depressed?
54 minutes ago

+Vamp Girl maybe because he is struggling with issues in his daily life that he doesn't tell us about!? Be more considerate, depression isn't a word to describe people, it's a mental illness. Someone can't seem depressed or look depressed smh.

Brenda Rodriguez:
You're a gay motherfucker
1 minute ago

Alexis Walsh:
Oh my god, he is so gay
26 minutes ago

iiNerdy Wolf:
Ok Jc is my new favorite because I don't watch gay faggots lmao
4 minutes ago

Kathy Jacobs:
Boiii don't you know that nobody cares about what you're saying or just you in general? Lmfao
19 minutes ago

Becky Moyers:
omg gay AHAHAHA
6 minutes ago

+Becky Moyers he's not gay dumbass

Sam Stoddart:
Dude, just stop making YouTube videos, these suck ass
1 minute ago

Comments upon comments scrolled in at the double, but I wasn't able to view anymore of them because my laptop was slammed on my right hand and Ryley stood before me, glaring at me with these guilty eyes that didn't make too much sense.

"Seriously, why do you keep looking through those stupid comments, Kian!? You know they're not helping your emotional, mental or physical state, they're just making you feel worse about yourself. Plus, the losers that are typing behind their screens think they're so cool for calling someone those things. You're better than that," she stated coldly, her glare not softening the slightest.

Tears formed in my eyes while I tried my hardest not to let them spill, but recently I have been weaker than any person could ever imagine and there is no possible way I could explain why, "S-Sorry I just...I posted my collab 'Touch My Body' with Jc and...and the comments...they're--"

Ryley grasped my hand in hers, tugging my body up from the spinning chair only to drag me over to the bed where she sat down, patted the spot close to her and clasped her arms around my neck while she pet my coarse, unbrushed hair gently, "Kian, what do the comments say?"

I glanced over at her through my peripheral vision, then set my eyes on the laptop sitting on my desk, "They said things like...like I've changed from who I used to be, that I seemed depressed in my video t-that I'm gay, that I should stop making YouTube videos because they're boring and bland, and that nobody cares about me."

She seemed taken aback by the things I had said, "Okay...first off, are you gay?" She asked, and I was quick to shake my head from side to side, I'm not confused on my sexuality because I know who I like and nothing will change that.

"Do you think your videos are boring and do you enjoy making your videos?"

"I love creating content for my viewers and I try to make it as interesting as possible while still having fun, so no...I guess I don't think they're boring."

"You know that people care about you, right? God, Kian I really love you so much--obviously as a friend--and I could say this a million times because you are honestly the most amazing friend I have ever had. When I first moved here, I was so nervous and I was building my walls so so so so high because I promised myself I wouldn't get hurt again," she winced and pinched her eyes closed before taking a deep breath and continuing, "I promised myself I wouldn't let anyone in again and I thought everybody was out to get me, but you changed my perspective on people, so did Jenn, Jc, Ricky, Connor, hell even Trevor and Sam. You guys are the most amazing humans on this planet and you saved me, and I don't just mean like my living, breathing soul. You saved me from the person I could have been and I'm insanely grateful for everything--"

Momentarily, I had zoned out near the end of Ryley's speech and the gears began rotating in my head when I truly realized what she was saying, and although she would never feel the same way I do, the confident Kian leaped for the steering wheel to take over my body. When I saw the chance, I hesitated at first, but soon was able to push aside my fears as I caressed Ryley's cheek and grazed my right thumb over her soft skin while my left thumb was tracing over her lips--feeling the smooth upper lip, and the jaggedly swift bottom lip--so gently, there was a fear they would crumble under my touch.

Time mentally halted between my best friend and I while I gazed into her pearl green eyes, seeing the lamp light in my room reflect off her pupils. Nerves overcame every ounce of my body as the seconds ticked on, my heartbeat being the only thing I could hear other than the hot air blowing from my laptop. My stomach tied in knots as Ryley and I seemed to inch closer together by the millisecond, but it was apparent that she still had no clue what I wanted to do and how badly I wanted to do it.

Suddenly, the whole entire world seemed to stop once my lips were on hers. There were no words to describe how I was feeling currently, nothing could elaborate how happy I felt in that moment when all my butterflies evaporated from my tummy as she kissed back, but nothing could beat the way both of us smiled into the kiss which led us to breaking apart. My thumb continued to linger on her cheek while my eyes searched hers for the emotions she was currently feeling, but her faltered smile said more than enough.

"Kian...I--"

Tightly, I squeezed my eyes shut as hard as I could, because I realized what I did wrong--I possibly just ruined our friendship and crumpled it to pieces, "No...please don't apologize. I-I'm sorry...I shouldn't have kissed you. It was stupid," I ripped my hand away from her face and pinched the bridge of my nose, feeling stressed out about everything, "I knew you didn't like me the way I like you, I knew it. Ryley...I'm so sorry."

Once I grabbed my phone off the desk, I sprinted down the hall and away from the house where I had just cost one of my best friendships. Normally, a simple kiss doesn't break relationships like that, especially since I kiss Sam all the time--as a joking manner of course, but this time, it wasn't a joke.

@kianlawley: I've made a huge mistake, this isn't the first mistake I've made and it surely won't be the last, but I want to sincerely apologize to the one I've effected the most .

To me it wasn't a mistake to me, it never will be.

@kianlawley: I'm a fool for you .