Oct. 22, 2015
I had realized my "condition" as some people called it. "Look away son, you'll turn gay," better stay away from Starbucks or they'll turn into a latte, those ignorant SOBs. Oh but what's worse is when I tell someone and they say, "Oh, you don't look gay." I'm sorry, did I forget my rainbow? Enough about my rants. I'm supposed to be telling you about my unrequited love, or at least what it seems like. Three days ago I had asked him to meet me at a café and of course I got stood up. When confronted he said that his texts must not be getting through and I just decided to tell him in the middle of the hall in front of everyone. I've been avoiding him of embarrassment for the past couple days but its hard since our lockers are right beside each other and we have two classes and lunch together. I'm just scared I guess. He was my best friend before and it was him who actually helped me realize I was gay but that's for another time. I don't think I'll be able to hold up longer but we'll see what happens won't we?
Oct. 23, 2015
I hate him so much,but yet I can't stay mad at him. Every night I try to practice an argument in my head but I can't because I end up crying silently so as to not wake everyone up and make them worry. What's wrong with me?
Oct. 27, 2015
Sorry for not talking in a while. He had confronted me about avoiding him but I just ran away again. It's like a signature move of mine. The flirt and flee. I should trademark that catchphrase. Of course I had made up with him but I got into another fight with him. It's just the excuses I can't stand! He keeps saying he doesn't get any texts from me. Why not use any of the other social medias you have! I guess I should tell you the story of me telling him the words that can shatter a heart.
It was a couple of days before grad. All my close friends know I liked him and that I was gonna tell him soon. I had done the flirt and flee, a quick saying before about how I hoped that things wouldn't be awkward, then the words and a quick run away while he was dazed. I hopped on my bus and booked it. Just reading that makes me cringe sometimes. I asked him after the weekend and he was cool with it, he just didn't return the feeling as I had expected since he has dated-what three, maybe four girls? Well that's my life for ya.
Nov. 2, 2015
It's been what, 6 days since I last wrote in this journal of sorts. Well I am over him. He is not worth my time and effort any longer! Oh who am I kidding with this bravado. It's really obvious I'm just doing this to help me get over him. My friend, Helen, had just backstabbed me by dating him and now she won't stop talking about how perfect he is! Excuse you, I already know that he is flawless in every single way, shape and form. I have decided to now become "immune" to emotions.
Nov. 5, 2015
Why do I put the date in this thing? It's not like anyone will read these. Trivial matters aside, Helen just broke up and I am consoling her on the phone. "Blah, blah, blah. I hate him. He should just leave town. I'll ruin his life. I miss him," all that jazz is spouting from poor Helen on the other end of this phone line. I think this is a new record for his shortest relationship. I should feel bad but I don't. God, she won't stop talking. I think I should go to her house with some Ben and Jerry's, chocolate, and egg-free cookie dough since I don't want salmonella.
Nov. 10, 2015
They got back together again. Short entry since it turns out I am no longer immune to emotions.
Nov. 11, 2015
We had an assembly for Remembrance Day. I got to sit in a chair instead of the floor. It's not much, but you try 8 years sitting on the floor.
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Thus a new story had been born. I wrote this all yesterday and I'm trying out something new.
