Utilized [h.s] - slow updates

Chapter 21.

In all honesty, I'm scared. I'm absolutely terrified. I'm afraid that no one is going to love me. I'm afraid no one will stay after they see all the flaws I posess. I'm afraid that someone will love me but in the end it turn out to be some sick joke. I'm afraid I'm going to spend my life, falling in and out of love with people who don't even deserve a thing I offer them. I'm afraid I'm going to fall so hard and not be able to recover because they weren't there to catch me. I'm afraid I'm going to pour myself into the people I love only to become empty and them leaving because I have nothing else to give. I'm afraid I'm going to be in love with someone while they're in love with someone else. I'm afraid I'm going to never be able to love, that I'll never find someone that will even give me the time of day. I'm afraid I'll find someone who will love me more than I love them and push them away because I don't know how to handle it. I'm afraid I'll fall in love and so will they and tragedy strikes and they'll be gone forever. I'm afraid. I'm fucking petrified.

Deep in my heart I know I am a loner. I have tried to blend in with the world and be sociable, but the more people I meet the more disappointed I am. So, I've learned to enjoy myself and a few good friends.

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made. This is why I have to keep on working my ass off at the strip club and stay with Harry so I can make this key.

The limousine stopped outside the club and I thanked the driver, including that he should drive back and not tell Harry where I was.

As I opened the door I was greeted by James and we both went in for a hug. "You look like a princess, where is your prince?"

"There is no prince." I say as we releasing each other. "Uhu, so what is this then?" James showed me his phone and there was an article about Harry and I.

HARRY STYLES NEW MYSTERIOUS GIRL!

Excuse me, what?!

There where picture of us this evening, tons of them actually: when we arrived together and when we danced, talking to other people. There was also older picture of us when we've been on the streets of New York. Us two standing outside his hotel in the rain. Why haven't I seen someone with a camera before?

"Harry Styles huh? You go for the big famous boys eh?" James jokingly pushed my arm and I slapped him on his chest. "I'm not going for any boys!"

"You clearly have been with him for a little while and this picture is taken from this evening so I'm pretty sure that you've been with each other recently. Where is he?" he ask as he looks around the room. "Not here." I say and shoved my hands to my waist.

"Obviously." he muttered and I spoke "There's a lot of other women at that event whom gladly will spend time with him." I turned around and started to walk further into the club and all of the men stared at me.

James walked beside me, continued the conversation. "So you left?"

"I did." I sat down at the bar chair and ordered a glas of prosecco. "Where you his date?" He kept me company and sat on the chair beside me. "I was." I told him.

"Has he been treating you badly? Should I kick his balls?"

I raised the champagne glas towards my mouth and before I took a sip I said "You know I can kick his balls by my own James, but thanks and to answer your question, no he hasn't. . . yet."