KEEP CALM AND STAY WEIRD (book of randomness and funny jokes)

Chuck Norris Facts

Hey y'all. Sorry I took so long to update, school has been beating me up lately hahaha. Anyways, I decided to upload some Chuck Norris Facts, so enjoy:) 

Oh, for those of you who don't know who he is, you better find out:) 

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Chuck Norris Facts:

* Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.

* When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is courage?" He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.

* Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.

* Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.

* Chuck Norris once went to mars. That's why there is no signs of life.

* Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.

* Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.

* Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.

* Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

* Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

* The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.

* Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."

* Chuck Norris can hear sign language.

* Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.

* Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.

* Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

* Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.

* Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

* Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.

* Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

* Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.

* Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

* When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

* If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."

* A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.

* Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

* Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

* The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.

* Chuck can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

* Chuck Norris CAN find the end of a circle.

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Thanks, Blue<3