A/N: This is when the chapters start to get long! Enjoy! I just got back from a short vacation down the shore without my computer or internet so I'm finishing up the chapter then will post it!
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May 7th, 2009
Dear Journal,
Why? Why was I so stupid? Last night with Lily was a disaster! I screwed it up, just like everything else in my life. Why couldn’t my perfect week have continued?
I put the bowl of popcorn down on the coffee table and sat down on the leather couch next to Lily. The lights were dimmed down and Toy Story shone brightly on the telly. I could feel the warmth from Lily as she snuggled into me on the couch. She had a sweet aroma to her; a mix of her ocean breeze perfume I had bought her for her birthday and chocolate chip cookies from our experimenting in making them before. Sure Lily and I were always together and the opposite genders, but we were best friends, nothing more. Even if I did think of her that way, which I don’t, I wouldn’t dare tell her in fear of ruining our friendship. We had been best friends ever since we were seven and I couldn’t mess it all up because of feelings that don’t exist. I could recall that very day in my mind and it always makes me smile.
The exact date was August 7th, 2001. I was pretty small and the kids would always pick on me because I was ‘different’. I only had one kidney and had tiny scars on my arms from the 32 injections a day to keep me alive. I remember every detail of who was bullying me, what they said and did and every single little thing about my rescuer.
“Hey Payne is your kidney fixed yet?” the main bully, Joe, mocked.
I shook my head as hot tears filled my eyes. His buddy, Noel, had me in a head-lock. They were older, bigger and stronger than me and I remember being terrified.
“What’s wrong Payne? You scared? You need your mummy?” Joe’s venomous voice rang through my mind.
“Leave him alone!” a small, yet fierce voice rang out.
We all turned our gaze to see a small girl who had a look of determination on her face. Her icy blue eyes shone and her plump lips were pulled back into a thin veil.
“Oh? And who’s gonna make me? You?” his rough voice mocked.
“That’s right.” She said in a voice that never faltered from fear.
Joe and Noel’s cold, cruel laughter echoed through my brain, crawling into every corner causing shivers to be sent up my spine. Who was this girl? Why did she want to save me, of all people, me? HOW did she plan on saving me? Two to one isn’t a fair fight. Especially when two are ginormous guys and ones a petite girl.
From that point on I only remember her screaming for the teacher and the boys running off. And that’s all it took. Someone to care and stand up for me. I made my first friend that day. My only friend up until only a week ago and she hasn’t run or left when things got tough with me. I could never repay her enough for her friendship.
“Li? LI?? Woody?? BATMAN????” Lily shouted as she waved a hand in front of my face. This instantly snapped me from my thoughts.
“Sorry, got lost in my thoughts.” I mumbled feeling the heat flood to my cheeks. Even though I didn’t like her I was bashful around everyone, even her. No matter what it was about.
Lily’s light laugh filled the air, “Don’t be. I just didn’t want you to miss your favorite par-.” And I cut her short by placing my hot lips against her soft, plump ones.
The kiss was short but sweet. I don’t know what came over me to just kiss her like that. Me, Liam Payne, of all people. Shy, bashful Liam Payne kissing a girl. What kind of twisted thing was this?? I didn’t have the guts to stand up to bullies or even talk to the strangers on the phone. Where was this sudden courage coming from? The funny thing is, I don’t think of Lily like that and she doesn’t think of me like that. So why did I kiss her? The world may never know.
“Liam…” she said in shock when the kiss broke.
I turned red, “Oh man, Lily I-I’m so sorry!”
She stood up and shook her head slightly “Don’t be. I-I should get going.” She mumbled with a tone that broke my heart.
I just nodded and walked to the door silently with her. I decided to break the silence as she stepped onto the porch, into the fridge air.
“I really am sorry Lily. You know I don’t like you like that.”
Lily gave me a small smile as she said, “Don’t worry about it. I’ll see you later.” and she headed down the black street, only being illuminated by street lights.
I knew I screwed up. I really did this time. I hope she forgives me because we haven’t talked since then even though it was only a day ago and that was uncommon. I just hope things go back to normal soon.
Love,
Liam
I froze as I stared down at the page. I hurt Liam inside by leaving, by not answering his calls or texts. The truth was I had felt a small something inside and hadn’t wanted him to know. He was my best friend and I didn’t want thing to feel weird or different between us. Only if he was still here, I could tell him. Didn’t he realize I loved him? All the looks, extra touches. How could I have been so stupid to think he would fall for me? I wish I could just have my best friend back.
I had to keep reading, I couldn’t stop now. I wanted, no, I NEEDED to know what had been going through his head. Sure this journal took place a year ago but I had never truly gotten into Liam’s head before he died and I needed to know what was going through his mind. So I flipped the page and glued my eyes to the fine print as I read on.
