The Monster Inside Peter Pan (ouat)//(Robbie Kay)

Chapter Forty Eight

Pan's point of view

The darkness lifted and I realized we were standing in the same position we'd been in before. I hastily drew my fingers away from her temples and a took a step back. I couldn't let myself be distracted by her closeness.

"You abandoned your own son?" She asked incredulously, looking up at me.

I felt my eyes darken. "I never wanted a son. He was just a reminder of Katherine."

She was furious, obviously thinking that I was a monster for abandoning my own son. But hadn't she understood that yet? I was a monster. Only with her did I ever feel even slightly human. Didn't she understand that before, I'd been even worse?

"So you just abandoned him? He lost his mother too!" She was shouting furiously, her blue eyes flashing.

I hated this. I'd hoped that she would understand that it was before, that it was my past, that I couldn't change it. I'd wanted to open up to her, show her my past, my story. And this was what happened.

She seemed to be thinking along the same lines as me, because when she saw the walls slamming back up, she said, "Pan... I didn't mean it like that, it's just-"

"Just what?" I interrupted. "Just that I'm a monster and you'd hoped that I'd changed?"

"No, Pan. Not that..." Her voice was pained. It hurt me to see her like that, so many conflicted emotions flew through her eyes.

"Just go," I sighed.

"No" she said stubbornly.

"Why not?" Showing her my past had been tiring and I wasn't in the mood to argue with her.

"I won't go, because you said we needed to talk, so that's what we're going to do. We're going to talk," she said as she sat resolutely on the couch, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Fine," I sighed. I leaned against the desk and asked, "What do you want to talk about?" I knew that the upcoming questions weren't going to be the most pleasant to answer.

"Why won't you kill me?"

That brought me up short. She was so direct, straight to the point. No aimless questions. I struggled for a moment to find my voice.

"Why- why would I kill you?"

She sighed. "I'm not stupid." No indeed, she wasn't. "When I woke up, Jake told me all about the heart of the truest believer, that I had it, and that you needed it to live. You're slowly dying, and if you don't get that heart, it's only a matter of time. I know you'd do anything for power, for life." She waved her hand aimlessly. "I saw that you're not above abandoning your own son for eternal youth and power, so why am I still alive?"

I was short of breath. How could I ever explain it to her? How could I ever tel her that I loved her? She hated me, despised me. And even if she had feelings for me, she'd hate them, resent them. She was far from accepting them. Now she was looking up curiously at me now, wondering why I wasn't answering her. I made a split second decision.

"Because, there's a ritual. The heart of the truest believer can only be given to me willingly by its owner."

A shadow passed over her eyes. "That's why I'm still alive? Because I have to be the one to give my heart to you? Because you can't take it by force?"

I nodded. Even if this was the truth, it wasn't the reason I hadn't acted yet. Even if it caused her a little pain to think that this was the only reason she was still alive, it's still better than the truth.