I'm Already There

Chapter 1

Peeta

I walk with Katniss through the airport, our hands linked. Its time to say goodbye. For four months, I have to leave my beautiful fiancé. She's barely looked at me since I came to pick her up. When we get to the terminal, she stops in her tracks and grips onto my arm.

"I can't let you go," she says.

"We talked about this," I say. "I'm not going to be in any real danger."

"As long as you are over there, you are going to be in danger," she says. "Even if you don't get any physical wounds, you'll see things over there. I can't help you like you help me." I pull her close and she clutches my uniform, staining it with her tears.

"It's gonna be okay," I say. "It's only for four months." But then Katniss pulls herself away from me.

"This time," she says.

"What?" I ask.

"You left out that part," she says. "Its only four months this time."

"Katniss," I say as I try to reason with her.

"Don't say my name like that!" she snaps. "Don't talk to me like I'm some child who doesn't understand what's going on. You are leaving me to chase some dream that I understand but just can't accept. I don't want you to leave me. But every time you come home, I'm gonna know that it's only a matter of time before you leave again."

"It's not gonna be like that," I say. "I'm not going to do anything but the minimum. I'm not going to reenlist."

"But who knows how long they will actually keep you," she says. "They say four months, but you could be gone as long as six." She looks down as though something is worrying her.

"Six months won't be too bad," I say.

"It will to!" she says. "If you are gone that long, you'll miss everything."

"What are you talking about?" I ask her. She's making no sense. What would I be missing if I were gone six months? She just stares at me with terrified eyes and I notice she's shaking beneath my fingers. She takes a step back and I notice tears in her eyes.

"I didn't want to tell you this way," she says. "I wanted you to be happy about this."

"Baby, what are you talking about?" I say. "You aren't making any sense." She draws in a ragged breath before reaching out and cupping my cheek. Her beautiful silver eyes blink up at me in a mixture of happiness and sadness.

"If you are gone six months, you might miss the birth of our child," she says softly. She looks down, not able to meet my eyes.

As it all sinks in, I feel a lump in my throat. I should have guessed really. I'd noticed her putting on some weight, but it wasn't much and I really didn't care. It doesn't matter what she looks like, she'll always be beautiful to me. But her face has been getting rounder and her hips are a little wider. Her breasts have started to grow too and a few times that I've stayed at her house, I heard her throwing up her breakfast. It all falls together now, like the pieces of a puzzle.

"You're pregnant?" I ask her, needing her to say it clearly so I can fully process this. She nods and gently takes my hand, laying it over her abdomen.

"About thirteen weeks," she says, answering a question I intended to ask but just couldn't find the words for.

"Prom?" I ask and she nods again.

"That's my best guess," she says.

"Who knows?" I ask. She smiles at me.

"Only you," she replies. "I decided you should know first. I was planning on telling you earlier, but that was the same week you gave me the letter. After that, I just didn't know how to break it to you." She starts crying and I gently hold her. "Oh Peeta, I can't do this without you. I can't take care of a baby on my own and if they were born while you're away, I'd never forgive myself." I gently stroke her hair and kiss her temple.

"You don't need to worry," I say. "Your mother is a nurse and Prim will watch you like a hawk when she finds out. All you need to worry about is passing your classes so you can take some time off when the baby comes. You're smart and it won't take you long to catch up. You want to be a music teacher after all. Working with music will take your mind off things. And if the baby comes before I'm home, then she does."

"I want you there with me," she says. "I want you to be there when she takes her first breath and when she opens her eyes for the first time."

"I will do everything in my power to make that happen," I say. "And if I can't, know that I'm right there next to you anyway." She nods sadly and I let her go so I can kneel down in front of her so I'm level with her belly that, though I hadn't noticed before, has a slight swell to it already. I place my hand there and feel tears of my own threaten to spill as I realize that this could be the last time I feel my baby growing Katniss' womb. This could be the last time I see Katniss at all. I gently kiss her belly and smile up at Katniss sadly.

"I'll be back as soon as I can little one," I say. "I don't want you to be causing your Momma too much trouble while I am gone. And don't think I won't know if you do because if I know your mother, she'll make sure to be telling me all about it." Katniss lets out a small laugh, tears falling down her cheeks as she watches me talk to our baby. I look back at her stomach and kiss it again. "I love you," I whisper and then I stand up again, pulling Katniss close to me.

We just stand there, holding each other. Katniss is a statue, standing like she's frozen in time, her arms like vice around me. It's like a shot through the heart when I hear my flight being called.

"I love you," Katniss cries out as I pull away from her. I look at her and very gently kiss her.

"I love you too Kitten," I reply.

I hold her close to me and find myself smelling her hair as though to memorize her scent. I feel her slip something in my hand and look to see its her golden mockingjay pin. Her last gift she got from her father before he died. I look back at her and see a tear run down her cheek. "To protect you," she whispers. I nod and slip it into my pocket, pulling the keys to my car out as I do.

"It'll be like you're right there with me," I say handing her the keys to my car. She looks at me questioningly. "My car gets better gas mileage than the jeep. Take care of it while I'm gone." She nods and I feel her kiss my cheek. "I'm gonna come back."

"I know," she whispers.

"I'll be expecting CDs of your songs with your letters," I says and she nods again.

"And sonograms," she says smiling. I kiss her one last time and start to leave. As I do, I still feel her hand in mine. I look back and we smile sadly at each other. The looks we give each other say more than words ever could. We never say goodbye aloud. I don't think either of us could take it. I feel her hand leave mine and I turn around and walk to meet my plane.

Each step taking me towards one dream but leaving behind my other.