I'm Already There

Chapter 4

Katniss

I lay on my bed while Prim goes through things relatives have giving me for Tiffany. She sorts out the clothing and toys and suddenly throws a kitten soft lavander colored knitted blanket at me and lets out a huff.

"Shouldn't you be helping?" she says. "Tiffany is your baby and this is all her stuff." I just laugh and let out a groan as Tiffany gives a well placed kicked to my ribs.

"Prim, if I get down on that floor next to you, I'm not gonna be able to get back up," I say and she nods.

"Yes, I guess that's true. You're huge," she says teasingly and I swat at her.

"I'm more than six months pregnant," I say. "Did you expect me to be small?" Prim gets up and jumps on the bed next to me.

"I still can't believe I'm gonna be an aunt on Valentine's day," she says reaching out and touching my swollen abdomen. Tiffany gives her one of those little butterfly kicks that Prim is looking for and she takes her hand away. Tiffany doesn't really like most people bugging her, but she gets along with Prim fine.

"It's not necessarily Valentine's Day," I say sitting up and folding the baby blanket she threw at me and setting it on my bed. "She could come anytime in February really. They just picked Valentine's Day because that's the most likely date."

"Well, I still can't believe you and Peeta are having a baby," she says finally and I look down at where one of Peeta's old sweatshirts covers our child.

"He's wanted this for us for a very long time," I say. "I don't think he expected us to do this out of wedlock or so young, but regardless, we're very happy to be formally meeting our little Tiffany."

"Have you gotten any letters?" she asks and I feel a lump in my throat.

"Not since I sent mine with the pictures in it," I say. "He hasn't called me either."

"I'm sure he's fine," she says and kisses my cheek. "I'm gonna go make some coco. You want some?" I nod and she helps me balance up onto my swollen feet. I walk heavily after her and have a death grip on the railing as I go down the stairs. By the time I'm at the bottom, I'm feeling a little winded. I walk into the living room and sit down in one of the big comfy chairs and put my feet up, not that I can see them anyway. Prim comes in a few moments later with a warm mug and a slightly crinkled envelope.

"What's this?" I ask and Prim smiles mischievously.

"I think something fell out of the mail," she says. "It was in the bushes beside the porch." I turn it over and instantly recognize Peeta's handwriting, that little curl he puts on the 's' at the end of my name. I carefully open it and smile at the folded up paper and the Polaroid of Peeta and another guy, probably in his mid twenties, with bronze colored hair. He looks so different. His unruly blonde curls have been shaved off to a classic military groomed haircut and his pale skin has a deep tan. I carefully unfold the rumpled paper and read:

Dear Katniss,

I'm sorry it's been so long, but the camp had to be moved suddenly and we don't have the Internet anymore. I've been doing good things and every night, I dream of your face.

Thank you so much for the ultrasound pictures. I can't believe how big she's getting. It's been hard, knowing I might not see her birth or ever even get to know her, but my bunk mate helps me through it. His wife is expecting their second child in January, so he knows what I'm going through. If you need to, she lives about an hour away and she can help you out with all this. Her name is Annie and her phone number is 123-867-5309 (Don't call that number guys. I have no idea if its real or not)

I miss you Kitten. I don't wish you were here, but I wish I was there with you. I'm proud to be here, to be doing something Tiffany can be proud of one day. But that doesn't mean that I like it here. I don't want to be here. But this is what I have to do. I don't know why Baby, but I do.

I'll try to call you soon, but I don't know if I will be able to or not. So keep up with your letters Darling. They are one the few bright things in my life now. The sun may shine, but this is a very, very dark place. I hope to be home for Christmas, but like I said, I don't really know.

Stay strong Wildflower. Remember that wherever you are, I'm already there.

-Peeta

A tear runs down my cheek and lands beside his name. I pull the paper close to my chest and start crying. Prim kneels beside me and rubs my back as I sob.

"Shhh," she whispers. "He's alright."

"He might not be home for Christmas!" I choke out through my tears.

"Oh Katniss," she says pulling me close to her. Tiffany starts kicking again and that just makes it even worse. Every single little jolt reminds me how close I am to raising her alone. He may not have directly said it, but I know something happened to him. The letter was too formal. He wasn't joking around like he usually does. The moved for a reason. And I'm not sure I want to know that reason.

"I'm so scared Prim," I whisper and she nods.

"I know, but Peeta will be back before we know it," she says.

"But when will that be Prim," I say. "He already missed Thanksgiving. I don't know if I could stand it if he misses Christmas or God forbid the baby's birth." She just holds me close and I feel her kiss my cheek.

"I know Kat," she says. "And I don't know that I could stand it either. He's my brother. I can't lose my brother."

We just sit there holding each other, praying for Peeta to come home, safe and sound, for Christmas.