The 'Gifted' (The Infernal Devices Fanfiction)

Chapter 23 - Living in Another Person's Skin

Sitting down in front of her mirror, Tessa ran her hand slowly over her face, from her forehead to her chin.

Only, it wasn't her face – it was the Queen's.

She wondered if one day, Tessa would be gone, and all that would be left would be the empty shell of the former Queen. A lifeless comparison to who she had once been.

The sense of foreignness had started to disappear, as she practised wearing Juliana's body every day. The only place she could be herself again, was when she was shut in the Queen's quarters, out of sight. The only other person allowed in there was Miranda, or the King himself.

Every day she was told to sit up straight, to mind her manners, and to smile pleasantly. She was taught, in every spare moment, how to be a Queen. She had also learnt everything about Juliana - from the Queen's favourite food, to her favourite route through the castle gardens, to how she interacted with people.

Tessa's short walks out of her room soon turned into long days spent looking around the castle, or visiting the nearby village. Mortmain wanted to make sure everyone saw the Queen was alive and well, because she was so beloved, and so that word would reach King Elias. Everyone rejoiced when they saw her, praying, bowing, and blessing her as she walked past. They asked if she was feeling better, if she liked their cooking, if she was comfortable, and the list went on. She still hadn't quite gotten used to the sensation. She had grown up as a nobody, a fugitive, an outcast. Now everyone adored her, even when she just wanted to run and hide in her room.

What she hadn't been taught about Juliana, were her feelings, and her desires. After honing her 'gift' at the Clave, Tessa had found she could glimpse into the person's mind when she Changed into them, and adopt their mannerisms. It didn't mean she knew everything, but she could feel some of their most powerful emotions, and understand a little more about them. If she was lucky – although it was rare – she may even be able to view a memory of theirs.

The Queen's mind, was hard to decipher. Perhaps because she was dead, or perhaps because she had slowly been driven mad living with Mortmain. Whenever she tried to glimpse into the Queen's mind, she could feel many conflicting emotions. There was hurt – far greater than Tessa had ever known – and there was anger at the treatment of her people. Above all else, there was fear. Fear of what Mortmain would do to her if she didn't deliver a healthy child, fear of his temper, fear of her cousin's safety, fear of living the rest of her life there as a caged bird, fear of---

Shaking her head quickly, Tessa blocked out the Queen's thoughts, before she was overwhelmed. She could only stand a little bit at a time, before she feared she would lose herself to the despair. Everything felt so real, as if it were happening to her.

Slipping back into her own skin, Tessa sighed, closing her eyes for a minute as the faint feeing of dizziness subsided. Now it was just like changing clothes, going from one person to the next, after all the practice. Or, it was as if one glove didn't quite fit, so she could slip on another one instead.

Opening her eyes, and glancing down at the jewellery box, she carefully removed her earrings, rings, and bracelets, which all used to belong to Juliana. All the jewels, rooms and luxuries were overwhelming for someone of her upbringing. Although she was posing as the Queen, she made it clear to Miranda, that behind closed doors, she could still do things for herself. She didn't need Miranda doing everything for her, and she needed some time to herself too.

If her clothes allowed it, she still wore her angel necklace, but only if the neckline was high enough to hide it behind her dress. However, she couldn't disguise the bracelet Will had given her, which had belonged to his older sister, or her mother's ring, so she kept them locked in a drawer, where they would be safe. Reaching down to collect the key from where she kept it hidden under the rug, she opened the drawer, running her hand over them both. She had meant to give the bracelet back to Will, for she knew how much it meant to him, but she'd never had the chance to. She still felt the ghost of Jem's ring on her finger too, but she was glad it was safe with him.