To Love a Borgia

The Cardinal and the Lady

Cesare was watching Lucrezia and Constanzia play in the courtyard. "Try and catch me, Cesare," little Constanzia called and he took off after his cousin, not too quickly, for she must think that she had led him on a merry chase before he caught her.

"Caught you," he laughed as he swept her into his arms, "Now you must give me a kiss." Trustingly, she put her little arms around his neck and kissed his mouth, then snuggled, trusting and affectionate, in his arms. With her dark brown hair and amber-brown eyes, it was clear that she would grow up to be another Borgia beauty.

Now Cesare was watching her in the same courtyard. She was wearing nothing but her shift, with a shawl wrapped around her shoulders against the chill of the night. He should take her back upstairs, but he could not keep his eyes from her as she stood in the moonlight, staring at the water in the fountain. "Catch me, Cesare," he murmured as he strode towards where she stood.

The tears were coming and she could not stop them, nor did she wish to. Her shoulders shook as she wept, and she leaned against the marble fountain for support. What had she done? She should not have given Pablo up so easily, she should have fought for him. Now she was in a strange country, surrounded by a family she barely knew. The only thing that was familiar was the fat moon overhead, the same as must be shining in Valencia.

Someone came up behind her and put his arms around her waist. She recognized his scent, the familiar aroma of leather and cologne. "Cesare," she said softly.

Carefully, not wanting to scare her, he put his lips on her cheek, then moved them down her neck, pulling the shawl away from her shoulders so his hands could find her breasts.

"No," she said and tried to remove his hand. He held her more tightly, his kisses becoming insistent as she struggled against him. "No," she said, "You must not," and he let her go.

"No? What's wrong, are you still a little girl and not a woman after all?"

"You fool," she looked into his eyes, "What do you take me for? Did you suppose that you could have me just because you want to? Does it not occur to you that I cannot afford to chance a pregnancy even if I was willing, especially your child? What man would not put me aside if he discovered I was carrying a child that was not his? My parents sent me here to find a husband, I can't afford a scandal, you know that, nor can I become your mistress."

"Well, you are a woman born, after all." She could see the white gleam of his teeth as he smiled in the moonlight. "You have learned a great deal of sense, cousin, but I think your pretty breasts will regret your not letting me caress them, as will your silky thighs. I can wait, they'll marry off Lucrezia before they find a husband for you, so I can take my time. But remember," he drew her into his arms and kissed her, hard. "I'll wait only for so long. I can't marry you, signora, but I intend to love you before I let any other man have you." He let her go and disappeared into the shadows.

His kiss had left her breathless and she leaned against the rim of the fountain for support. Oh my, she thought, I had not known, I did not expect...I want him, but I won't be Cesare Borgia's plaything. If he wants someone he can pick up and put down when he's tired of her, he can hire a prostitute. You want him, he makes you weak in the knees, but he'll play with you. I want someone who will love me, not set me aside when he wants to move on to a new amusement.

She went back to her room, but she did not find sleep, nor did it find her. When she looked in her mirror the next morning, there were violet shadows under her eyes. If this is what you did to me, Cesare, she thought, I hope the same thing happened to you.

Vannozza and Lucrezia did not seem to notice that neither Cesare nor Constanzia contributed much to the conversation as they sat at Vanozza's breakfast table. They chatted carelessly, while Constanzia kept her gaze on her plate, only occasionally working up the courage to look at Cesare. He, too, at least, had shadows under his eyes, and if she contributed to that, then she was happy.