19 Years Younger (Mature Content) [Complete]

Chapter 8 - Lance

I resisted the urge to text Martha anything more that one message that read:

I'm ok. Parents not killed me yet. L8rs baby

I smiled as I knew she would understand the quote from 50 shades. The only reason I knew it was because my sisters and mother watch the damn film so often. Dad and I couldn't care less so we binged watch Breaking Bad either on my laptop in the dining room or on one of our iPad in the kitchen while cooking, but the dialogue still managed to get into our heads. Jason couldn't give a shit what was on so he mostly was in his room or out with Bradley.

At the thought of Bradley I mentally slapped myself. Of all the nights and days and weeks to choose from, I chose this night to be late. I had got off with a fairly light sentence after almost being beaten to death by my father. My father may be sixty but my God he didn't look it nor act like it nor feel like it. He still worked out at the gym and now attends self-defence classes, so, at the rate he was going, someone will have to shoot him because old age certainly wasn't gonna kill him. My mother was the spitfire whom was burning with anxiety rage. I knew I had screwed up as soon as her hand impacted on my cheek. It has been almost comical as she had tightly embraced me for a hug and made sure I was ok before swiftly striking my face.

The only other person ever to be slapped by my mother was Ella when mum was pregnant with me. Ella had been out with her friends all day and when she was dropped back home she wanted to be centre of attention. The problem arose when it came for bath time. Dad was on a trip in Wales at the time and mum was heavily pregnant while looking after an almost eight year old Ella and one year old twin. Ella had a tantrum and threw mum's favourite vase at the wall. My mum was so furious and stressed that she slapped Ella. Immediately she apologised and broke down crying. Ella never wanted to be centre on attention again.

Laughing bitterly at the story, I realised my phone was ringing. Martha's face was illuminated on the screen. I smiled like a child.

"Hey! You are gonna get me in trouble!" I teased.

"Sorry! I just wanted to check you were ok," she replied, "didn't want my toy-boy murdered."

"Oh is that what I am now?" I shot back, "Something for you to show of and screw?"

"Well if I'm the exercise you can be the toy!" She laughed.

I laughed with her. I enjoyed listening to her laughter as I heard it so infrequently. She had been suffering with throbbing migraines recently and so she hasn't had much to laugh about. I had missed it.

"Headaches better?" I asked her.

"Yeah! I'm fine now thanks," she replied.

"My friend says you're welcome," I joked.

"You kiss you mother with that mouth?" She teased.

"God no! Not with all the dirt that comes out from it. I don't suppose you kiss your parents much anymore what with what you guzzle," I laughed.

"And that's my cue to hang up!" She exclaimed.

I laughed, "Laters baby!"

"Love you!"

She hung up and I instantly felt guilty. I told all the women I had been with that I loved them when the truth is that I hadn't and I had always been think of the next girl. It wasn't the exact same with Martha but it wasn't completely different. From the day I was born, the only women I would ever truly love would be my mother and my sisters and that's it. Women were very much just objects to me. I hated that about myself and desperately wanted to change that but I found no way of doing so. Martha was different as she was something new and tempting as she was so much older and we had a professional relationship that everyone could see and a physical one that they couldn't. I had never had more than one type relationship with a woman before, hence why this was so new. Yet it was the same story as I knew I didn't love her. I was drawing her in as I did every time, and I despised that about myself. However, I wasn't thinking of anyone else when I was with her, which lead me to see a possibly new path.

****

Martha's faced scrunched as she approached her climax. I could see in her eyes how close she was and how badly she wanted it. My own was only seconds away. Explosively, we climax almost in unison, with hers coming moments before my own. I let the feeling of pure pleasure take over as I collapsed onto the bed. I heard Martha's heavy breathing next to me.

"Now....THAT was worth an A!" She breathed.

I laughed and her laughter soon join the sound of mine, "I love you!"

She glanced at me, "do you?"

"Yes!" I replied.

I leaned forward and our lips touched. They were so soft against mine and the kiss itself was equally soft and intimate. I pulled away only to not see Martha. It was Carol.

"That's what you told me," she screamed.

The face kept changing between the five women I actually remembered having a relationship with. The others I simply didn't remember. I was then in a dark room surrounded by them all.

"How many were there!" Martha screamed.

"Your nothing but a womanising man-whore!" Carol screamed.

"How could you do that to all those girls!" My mother's voice echoed in my head.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Ella cried.

"You should have stopped when you had the chance!" Aurora yelled.

"You're a disgrace!" Jason spat.

"You're such a disappointment!" My father sighed.

The next round of comments were a blur. I dropped to my knees and covered my ears, but the shouting wouldn't stop.

"Stop it!" I screamed, "Shut up!"

****

"SHUT UP!"

I sat up in my own bed covered in a cold sweat. With my head in my hands, I tried to concentrate on my breathing. The comments still swirling in my head like an unpredictable storm. Slowly, my breathing normalised and I arranged my thoughts. The worthless feeling that the comments had given me still lingered. 

How fucked up am I?