Life and randomness

My life...sorta

BTW, THIS IS NOT AN AUSTIN PITY PARTY. THAT IS NOT MY INTENTION!!
So um first off, hey. Ive been gone a while. A long while. So in November, i was gone for a week. And then i came back. But i still haven't been on lately. Thats cause I've been catching up on homework and stuff cause i missed a week because i was in the hospital. Im fine now....physically. I mean, all of my friends know i was in the hospital, but lots if em don't know why. I guess I should start from a while back. Anxiety runs in my family, Ive always been a nervous guy, I just figured it was something little. Now lets go forward to around 8th grade. Nobody has fun all their teenage years, but i had a lot less fun then I should, I was picked on, ignored, all sorts of stuff. Thats around when my lif kinda changed. self harm, crying, separating myself from friends, but there was one person with me the whole way through thick and thin (you know who you are, luv ya.). Then it almost just left, I didn't think of any bad thoughts, i was happy. Now to the September of this 2015. It just started again, cutting, anger, fights. Until in around October, my mom saw my wrist. She saw it as a phase, she told me she was gonna look for someone to help me, psh. Didn't hear bout that shit again till after i got outta the hospital. So then in health class, we had a teen depression unit. It felt like the teacher was just always talking about me when she taught, cause she was telling us all the effects and symptoms of depression. My anger was getting worse, more self harm. Until actually a month from today in November, the teacher and school counselor handed everyone in the class little depression analysis's. Ya know, normal questions, just answer always, sometimes, or never. Stuff like:

I cant stop myself from crying when i do. Sometimes.

I have trouble sleeping. Always

I have people i can turn to always in a time of need. Always

I like to hurt people. Never

I feel like i should be dead. Sometimes.

So as you can see, that raised some red flags. Instantly, I was obviously called to the counselors office. They talked to me, they asked if i felt save with my self, if i would kill myself if i had the chance. I don't know is an answer that can get you put in a hospital. So they called my parents. The counselor recommended an emergency hospital visit. So they did, many tears and frustration later, I'm laying in a gown on a hospital bed. People from the adolescent mental hospital next to the place i was in came over to evaluate me. They said i should be put in there for a while. I didn't want to, but once again, I don't know is the same damn answer i gave the person that came over when they asked the same question... So i was diagnosed with anxiety and depression and they wheeled me to "hell" as many of my fellow inmates called it. It was not a prison, prison has fresh air. They both had the same times for everything though. The people said the minimum amount of time of stay was 3 days, longest was a week. BULLSHIT! My roommate had been there 10 days before he got out. But eventually, during my stay, i was prescribed anxiety/ focus medication, which i hate and now have to take twice a day. So after i got out of that bitch, I got home. Two days later, I went back to school. What the hell do i tell people? One of my friends already told everyone I was in the hospital, but didn't say why. So I just said. "Reasons" "I was super sick" stupid shit like that. I have to go to a therapist type person now. She's cool i guess. I think that may be it, other then the meds aren't working anymore and Im always shaky, and i cant be in big crowds anymore without having an anxiety attack, Im pretty alright. Ive got a few great friends and one of the most important people in the world with me.

pickachan your always there, love ya to death.

ilovethegriers thanks for always cheerin me up

Inkruse you too

DeBookMaka your awesome bro.

teenywolfAutumn15 thank you also for being there.

Kaylakaz123 HA, you were sick last week. No jk your cool and thanks for being that way.

Theres probably more but I'm too lazy.

So, dassit i guess. Imma go. Talk to yalls later. PEACE!