Book Two: How will I Smile? (boyxboy)

Part 10: The Gift 1.0

A/N: Another installment for you my readers. I hope you like it. Pagpasensyahan nyo na po kung may mga typo-errors.

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Present time...

Zee's POV

"Hello Ma, kamusta po?" sabi ko kay Mama habang kausap ko sya sa CP.

"Ok naman, Anak. Ikaw nga dapat ang tanungin ko. Kamusta ka dyan? Have you seen him?" tanong naman ng nanay ko sa akin na sounded worried.

"I havent Ma and I am really torn between emotions now. Part of me is saying that this is a piece of cake for me, but the other half is killing me, torturing me with pain." pag-amin ko sa nanay ko.

"tap-ZEE-log, dont worry anak. Alam mo naman sa sarili mo sooner or later you would need to face the ghosts of your past and overcome all the pain you have inside your heart. That will be the only solution you need to do to truely say you are whole again." sabi ni Mama sakin.

"But, Ma. Diba sabi ko naman sa'yo dati, there are times that I am so ready to face it but I will suddenly back out. Yung mga times na yun na lage ko iniisip, 'let's just get on with it, for it to be finally over' kaso itong puso ko naman ang nakakabadtrip. Napakahina." sabi ko.

"And Ma, ang problema is seeing the ghost of my past part, kase I know part of that ghost is my soul who is still attached to him. I really thought it was gonna be a happy ending for the both of us, pero bakit hindi pa ako happy?" isang honest question that I have since the day I left.

"Anak, lemme tell you this. If it's not yet happy, it is not yet the end. And being happy is just a phase of love. It just so happen that you are in the opposite side of it. Time will come and do heal wounds" pag-papaalala sakin ni Mama.

"But all I had before was time, but it never did. It's as if the pain inflicted to me was just yesterday. I can still feel it bleeding and making me smirk with pain." I cant help but have a tear slide down my cheeks.

"Opps, dont tell me you are crying. Dont make me cry too." sabi naman ni mama na may pasinghot singhot pa.

She has been my anchor these past few years, along with KU and EI. She always reminds me that life is beautiful because we are all in it. Yet, Life was unfair sometimes.

"Anak, can I ask you something?" seryosong tanong naman ni Mama sakin.

"Yes po" tipid kong sagot. I am really scared sa tanong ni Mama kase she seldom asks questions specially when it comes to my past and lovelife. She respects my privacy.

"If there is one good thing that you could remember that he did, or he gave to you. What is it?" tanong ni Mama.

Her question was too simple yet it is the hardest I was asked since before. There were many things I know how he made me feel loved and blessed to have him but these were being covered by the hurt he gave me as well. I cant pinpoint which one is better than the other. Everything flushed down to me again. From the moment I met him till the last time I saw him.

"Anak?" tanong ni Mama sa kabilang linya.

"Honestly Ma, hindi ko alam. Maraming bagay akong naiisip pero hindi ko matukoy alin sa mga yun ang pinaka nagpasaya sakin" paglalahad ko kay Mama.

"Napakadali lang ng tanong ko, pero ang hirap sagutin diba?" sabi ni Mama.

"Opo" sagot ko naman.

"Ganyan talaga, kase sa punto mo ngayon hindi mo kase alam kung galit ka or nasasaktan or nakamove on na. Naguguluhan ka kase lahat ng sakit bumabalik sayo pero hindi mo manlang naisip na minsan kang naging masaya sa piling nya. Tulad lang yan ng isang malinis na papel, pero yung papel na yun eh may punit sa dulo. All you think of is how to fix and you also focus on that tear. But you are not seeing the entire paper that is clean." mahabang litanya sakin ni Mama.

Napaisip ako, sa hinaba haba nga naman ng panahon na kaya kong magmove one, eh I clinged on the part when I was hurt by him and have been blinded by it and not saw the gazillion on things he made me feel human.

"Mama, thank you." isang makahulugang sabi ko kay Mama, because I finally realized what's holding me back.

"At long last" isang makahulugang sagot din ni Mama.

It's as if she knows what I know what's keeping me from being happy.

"Btw, Zee, kelan ba ang balik mo?" pag-iiba ni Mama sa topic.

"I am not sure Ma, ang dami kong kelangan ayusin and catching up to do with my friends. Pero kapag sa tingin ko Ok na ang lahat eh babalik na ako agad." sagot ko sa nanay ko.

"Ok, alam mo naman na namimiss ka namin lalo na yung anak mo. Lage namin naabutan nasa labas ng kwarto mo. Parang hinihintay kang lumabas. Minsan naaabutan namin na parang umiiyak kase hinahanap ka." sabi ni Mama.

"That's it! It is him, the answer to your question. Alpha is that one thing, the answer to your question earlier Mama" sabi ko kay Mama

Itutuloy...

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A/N: Mejo short update, pero I have a treat. I will be updating four times tonight! (Gabi kase dito sa Qatar!)

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