ʟᴀ ᴛʀɪᴩ // 𝐠𝐧𝐫

13 - Love Doesn't Exist

"Effy, do you believe in love?" Saul words caught me off guard.

We were in the park, sat down on the grass, crossed legs, eating burgers and drinking Nightrain.

After I begged Saul to go party with me, he proposed to show me the city, which I happily agreed. Two hours and a long walk through LA later, we decided to buy some burgers and some booze. And that's how we ended up here, in this nice park, eating and drinking.

We are really having a good time together. Saul and I didn't see each other for about a year and although we just spent two nights together, we are best friends. We made ties with all those letters and I couldn't live more without Saul. Or William. Even if I didn't have this opportunity to come to LA, I would keep talking with them by letters. It kind of turned into a need. I need that to have some happiness.

"No, I don't." I answer his question, coldly but truthfully. I don't believe in love. I think love is something that does not exits, and only some people are able to see it, have it and feel it. And since I am not one of those people, I don't believe it.

"Why?"

"Hummm..." I hate this topic, but sometimes it's nice to talk about it, to see what people think about love. Every person has a different perspective about the same thing. "You know, love is something that you have to feel, and how can you believe in something if you can't feel it?" Deep shit.

"You make a good point." He says, shaking is index finger in my direction.

"And what about you? Do you believe in love?" I ask, after taking a spin from the bottle of nightrain.

Sometimes, people judge rock stars because of what they are, like they are rock stars, they can't love, all they care about are drugs, sex and rock n' roll. I think people are wrong. I don't believe in love, I think such thing doesn't exist, but that doesn't mean that doesn't exist for other people. And with other people I include rock stars. Yeah, they are rock stars, and so what? They can't love? If they believe enough, they can.

"I believe that love exists, but I've never felt it. I don't even know if I ever will, but I know it exists. Maybe not for me, but for someone else." He says quietly, playing with the bottle cap. "Effy, had you ever fell in love?" Wow, big question. Love it's such a delicate topic that I just give my opinion about it and leave.

"No, I hadn't." That's all I can say. "You?"

"No, but I would like to fall in love some day. I wanna know how love tastes." Saul, what's wrong with you mate? You're not like that, talking about love and stuff.

"Yeah, I get your point, but I don't agree. Love sucks. I've never fell in love or something, but for me it doesn't exist. That shit hurts. I see what that shit is doing to my best friend. It's worse than heroin" I blurt out. I don't like this topic. Love? It's not worth it. Pointless. Someone in love is hopeless. Am I a cold heartless bitch? Yeah, maybe. But look at me, I never had a boyfriend, I never fell in love, and love doesn't belong to my dictionary and I'm alive and living life like crazy.

"Yeah, I guess..." He sighs. Saul's being weird since our talk this morning. He's being a little off, not Slash.

"Listen, what about we go somewhere to have fun?" I propose. I don't like seeing him like that. It's making me worried. This is not the Saul that I know, this is not Slash.

"Where?"

"Huh, dunno. It's only two in the afternoon. We can do a lot of things. We can just walk... you know...." I just wanna party and we don't have more nightrain. Damn Effy, you're so addicted. Your need to get drunk is so big that it makes me sick. "Let's buy more booze and go to the beach. And then we catch a taxi, go home, order some pizza and go to the whiskey and have fun. What do you say?"