ʟᴀ ᴛʀɪᴩ // 𝐠𝐧𝐫

17 - Is This Love?

"Please Shakespeare, open the door." I yell, knocking heavily at William's door.

Five days have passed since that episode at the restaurant and William still doesn't talk to me.

He's been avoiding me so much than he doesn't even look at my face, which hurts, a lot, I can't lie. He makes me feel disgusted with myself and with who I am.

The way the corner of his eye lands on me makes me feel the tiniest person in the world, as tiny as an ant, ready to be stepped on.

I don't know what to do anymore, but as always, I did what I've always done when I feel like I'm losing my mind.

I drank, I drank a lot. I probably don't know who I am anymore due to the percentage of alcohol that my body has.

And of course, a party isn't a party without our old friend cocaine. I snorted, I snorted a lot. So much that I think my body is already immune to cocaine.

High and drunk by the door of Axl Rose, knocking desperately. My fist hurts and I can feel one of my knuckles wet from blood.

"Go away, Effy!" I hear William shout.

"Please, we need to talk." I insist.

"For fuck sakes Elizabeth, fuck off!" He yells once again.

Don't do this to me.

"NO!" I shout. He can be a stubborn son of a bitch, but he's not as much as me. "We need to talk!"

"No we don't!"

"We are friends, friends talk."

"We are not friends." His words are sharp and they hurt like knives stabbing on my chest.

"Oh, yeah. We are fuck buddies." I laugh.

"We are not fuck buddies!"

"Wanna be then?"

"No! Just go away!"

"This argue is pointless, we should be talking, not arguing."

"I don't want to talk, not with you. You're high and drunk as fuck."

"I'm not."

"Just leave me the fuck alone!" He shouts and with this my back is pressed against the door and I slowly slide my body down till I feel the floor.

Tears run down through my cheeks and I drown into my thoughts, forgetting about everything around me.

I feel like a dirty tissue dumped on the dirty pavement and everyone steps on me. I never thought I could ever feel like this, but the truth is that I'm feeling it and it hurts.

I thought nothing could ever hurt me, harm me, make me feel mental and emotional pain.

I've never cared about what people said or thought about me before. I always did whatever I wanted to without thinking about what people could think of me. If people hated me, I didn't care. I'd probably hate them because I had no reason to like them anyway.

But this is different.

William hates me, but I can't hate him back because he's my best friend.

I may look like one of those girls who have a lot of friends and is really popular. But I'm not. I'm a loner. I'm lonely as a piece of garbage.

And, as always, left alone. I don't know if it's the people who leave me or if I'm the one who pushes them away.

I just know, I lost my best friend because we fucked and I don't love him.