THERE was nothing worse than Christmas shopping amidst a sea of stressed mothers and confused fathers. According to Elizabeth, she would rather chew off her right arm than go Christmas shopping for more than two hours. But here stands Elizabeth, who has been Christmas shopping for more than five hours:
"Holy fucking shit! Why the fuck would they make you buy three light up robots just to get the fourth one free? Fuck this capitalist shit," she ranted, piling in four of the robot toys into her cart. She took a deep breath, re-ponytailed the monsterous birds nest that accumulated atop her head, and adjusted her shirt. "If you want me to buy all the toys in this fucking store, fine, I'll buy all the toys in this fucking store."
She tightly gripped the handle of her shopping cart and went off, highly determined to be in large debt all to prove a point. Christmas madness has finally set in, and Elizabeth was the first of its victims.
"You know, Anna probably loves dolls. I'll get Anna six dolls. Buy one get one fifty percent off? How about I buy six and get six fifty percent off!"
Elizabeth madly grabbed a dozen dolls, unaware of the questionable look she was garnering from the stressed mothers and confused father she thoroughly despised while shopping. Five feet away stood a Claire, a mother of three, and shook her head:
"Could have gotten a better deal in the clearance section," she sighed, completely acknowledging the fact that the young women never heard her.
And so Elizabeth spent the next thirty minutes speed-walking down the aisles hunting down the best 'deals' she could find in the lone toy store, while religiously checking her phone for the time. It was almost 11 pm, and dinner was not an option by this point. She sighed, squeezing her eyes shut and realizing how ridiculous she was acting.
"Look here kid. You got a week 'till Christmas, and only a hundred bucks to spend on your entire family. Buy one thing for Chris, and one thing for Anna," She whispered in a half crazed drone. "One thing, don't be tempted by the buy two deals come on Elizabeth, you're smarter than that."
There she went, hunching over her filled cart only to pick and choose two items from her holy grail of possible Christmas presents. One by one, she said goodbye to the pack of overpriced lego sets, bratz dolls, and stuffed animals, until she narrowed it down to four items. She sighed, wondering how she spent five hours of her time only to come down to four toys. Four toys that she somehow had to narrow down to two toys.
"Okay, so Chris said, he likes star wars, but only because his friends like star wars, and he really likes Nemo, but Nemo's not as cool as r2d2 anymore." Her eyes shifted between the r2d2 figurine, and the Nemo plush toy. Deep in her heart, she knew she didn't have the skill to choose between the two toys, and gave up, putting both of them in her cart. "One for him to feel included, and the other one to actually make him happy."
But now, as one puzzle was finally solved (sort of), she stumbled upon Level 2 of her Christmas shopping adventure. Which toy would Anna like? And as the store hours nearing the closing time, and the workers were giving her sneers to get her to go home, Elizabeth sat down, clearly exhausted.
"Okay, now. Anna love love loves dolls, but she already has an army of Bratz dolls that can serve the nation. And I know she'll like an easy bake oven, but is that too 90's? But the 90's are back right? Does that even apply with children or is it just a fashion comeback- ugh, oh my god."
Poor Elizabeth was ready to bury herself deep in the ground with a soft blanket and her laptop so that she can watch all her telivision shows without worry. Unfortunately, that is not an option, nor is it very sanitary. What she didn't know, is that her classmate in Philosophy 109, Daniel Hayashi, a pro-Christmas shopper/ mediocre photographer who is exactly three months, 4 days, and 8 hours younger than her, has come to solve her indecisiveness:
"Eh, to be completely honest, I would go with the easy bake oven. There's nothing weirder than baking with a light bulb you know? Oh, wait, microwaves work by light bulbs right...Holy shit! Holy mother of Christ! We-we basically cook with giant easy bake ovens!" Daniel loomed over Elizabeth's 'criss-cross-apple-sauce-ed' body in amazement, staring at the easy bake oven beside her in amazement.
Elizabeth was frozen with shock. Her poor frazzled brain could barely register that a random bystander has finally decided to share their input with her. After a minute or two of contemplation, she realized that this was exactly what she needed- a random person to shift the responsibilities of Christmas shopping onto. If Anna hated the easy bake, it wasn't like it was her fault exactly, it was the person who suggested to get the easy bake. So technically, if all goes bad, it's not her fault. Right?
"You really think my little cousin will like the easy bake better?" She asked, completely ignoring the fact that a stranger gave her advice, and completely oblivious that the stranger was in fact in her Philosophy 109 class. Her Philosophy 109 class has 400 people.
Daniel shrugged.
"I mean, if I was a little girl in the 90's I'd hella love the fuck out of that easy bake you know?"
Elizabeth made a sour face.
"I- I actually don't?"
"What I'm saying is, if I was a 9 year old little girl, getting a present from anyone would brighten my Christmas morning. As long as it's wrapped and not in a bag- come on people don't be lazy with your presentation- I'd love the feeling of someone thinking of me and getting me a present. Even if it is as lame and cliché as an easy bake."
Elizabeth stared at the easy bake with a new perspective. The hours of shopping illuminated the box to appear as if it was almost divine. A tear almost escaped out of her left eyes from the short monologue the stranger gave.
"You know, that was actually kind of beautiful."
"Yeah, I have a way with words."
In that dim toy shop, because the workers were slowly shutting everything down, Daniel and Elizabeth stared at the easy bake with a renewed vigor and spirit for the holidays. Elizabeth stood up, and dusted off her pants with a sweet smile on her tired face, and turned around to thank the nosy stranger.
"Hey, thanks for the advice. I'm Elizabeth," she stated, holding a hand out for Daniel to shake.
"Oh. I'm Daniel. Or Danny. And no problem, I'm a Christmas shopping expert so it's whatever," he said, shrugging and mentally brushing the dust off his shoulder. He accepted her handshake and nodded his head. "If you need anymore advice, just come to me."
Elizabeth raised her eyebrow.
"I have no way to contact you..." she recited in a tone that hopefully said 'give-me-your-number-so-I-can-contact-you'.
"Oh! I basically live in the mall during the holiday season, but I can give you my snapchat. Or wait! I'll just give you my number," he chuckled, his dark hair flopping around to the tune of his laughter.
"Cool."
"Yeah."
"So..."
"Hmn?"
"Your number, I need your number?"
"Ah! Right."
And so the young adults exchanged phone numbers, Elizabeth not being able to believe that her Christmas shopping skills were actually bad enough that she had to ask a stranger for their number to help on later, and Danny falsely assuming that his Christmas shopping skills were excellent enough for a stranger to ask for his number to help later. And on that fateful night, a duo was born. A Christmas shopping duo ready to take on the task of finding the right Christmas presents seven days before Christmas Day.
Well, as the clock struck twelve signaling the close of the shop, now it is six days before Christmas.
